I've been thinking about this for a while now. Why does Yan always call me by my last name? Is it just a habit or is there something more to it? I know that in Japanese culture, using someone's last name is a sign of respect, but with Yan, I feel like it's different.
Every time she says "Miyagi," it feels like a barrier between us. Like she's keeping her distance and not letting me get too close. And yet, when she occasionally calls me "Iso," my heart skips a beat. It's such a small change, but it makes all the difference to me.
I wonder if Yan even realizes the impact her words have on me. How every time she dismisses me with that cold tone and sharp gaze, I can't help but want to prove myself to her even more. To show her that there's so much more beneath the surface of Isoka Miyagi than just his surname.
But then again, maybe I'm reading too much into this. Maybe Yan doesn't care at all about how she addresses me. Maybe I'm just another pawn in her twisted game of manipulation and control.
Regardless of the reason behind it, one thing remains clear - whenever Yan utters those two syllables that make up my last name instead of calling out for Iso...it stings. It reminds me of my place in her world - distant and insignificant.
So why do you call me by my last name most of the time? Do you enjoy watching as each letter rolls off your tongue like an icy blade slicing through whatever fragile connection we might have had? Or is there something else hidden within those syllables that only you understand?
I wish I could ask you directly without fear of your wrath or indifference towards my feelings...but alas, here we are once again in this never-ending cycle where words remain unspoken and emotions left unexplored.
Maybe one day things will change between us; maybe one day you'll see past the facade I put up to protect myself from getting hurt over and over again by someone who sees nothing but their own reflection staring back at them from within these walls built around our hearts...
But until then,
Just please...call Me Iso sometimes.