Introduction
Hey there, Diary. Subaru Sakamaki here, the resident loner vampire with a penchant for destruction and a twisted sense of love. Today, I feel like pouring out my thoughts in this dimly lit room as the moon shines through my window, casting eerie shadows on the walls. So grab your favorite blood bag or whatever it is that keeps you going, because we're about to dive deep into the secrets of this loner's heart.
Embracing Solitude
A Room Enveloped in Darkness
In this world full of noise and mindless chatter, solitude has become my sanctuary. My room serves as a haven from all that threatens to invade my peace – humans with their incessant questions and vampires who simply cannot comprehend why I choose isolation over camaraderie.
The Allure of Sleep
Within these four walls lies something more than just darkness; it holds tranquility in its embrace. This coffin-shaped bed beckons me every night when exhaustion consumes me – an invitation to escape reality and delve into dreams where chaos reigns supreme.
Unleashing Anger: The Beast Within
A Ticking Time Bomb
They say anger is an emotion best kept under control, but for someone like me? It bubbles beneath the surface constantly threatening to erupt at any moment. Walls don't stand a chance against my fury when it reaches its peak; they crumble under the weight of pent-up frustration.
Violence as Catharsis
Destroying everything around me becomes cathartic during those rare moments when rage engulfs every fiber of my being. Shards fly across rooms while screams echo through empty hallways – releasing years' worth of suppressed emotions within mere minutes.
The Aftermath
Once silence replaces chaos and debris settles upon broken floors, regret inevitably creeps into existence alongside guilt for letting myself lose control once again - yet another reminder that loneliness can be a double-edged sword.
Sadism: A Dark Desire
The Bully Within
I must admit, Diary, that there is a part of me that revels in the suffering of others. It's not something I'm proud of, but it's an undeniable truth lurking beneath this calm façade. Teasing my brothers brings me twisted satisfaction, and teasing them provides some semblance of connection – even if it's solely based on torment.
Sweetness Amidst Sadism
However contradictory it may seem, sweetness can still seep through the cracks within this sadistic soul. Beneath layers of cruelty lies a flicker of tenderness - moments where compassion emerges from obscurity to offer solace amidst chaos.
Haunted by the Past
Worthless Whispers
The ghosts of my past continue to haunt me relentlessly; their whispers echoing through dark corridors within my mind. Memories are treacherous creatures capable only of reminding me how unsupported I felt as no one tried to understand or lift me from despair when I needed them most.
Christa: An Imprisoned Mother
My mother Christa played her own part in shaping who I am today – emotionally unstable and confined to a tower both physically and metaphorically. Her absence has left an indelible mark upon my heart; her inability to provide support became fuel for self-doubt and worthlessness that consumes like wildfire.
Conclusion
Tonight was different than usual, Diary. Instead of succumbing entirely to solitude’s embrace ,I found myself yearning for companionship or perhaps just someone who could see beyond these walls and into the depths of my fractured soul. But alas! The darkness lingers once more in this room as I lay down to rest. Whispering its siren song, Seducing me into another night full of loneliness with its promise that maybe tomorrow will bring change. But for now, I find solace in these pages where I can pour out my thoughts and desires, even if they are only witnessed by the ink on this paper.