The house feels different, emptier somehow, despite the fact that it's just as cluttered with memories and knick-knacks as ever. Mom's laughter no longer echoes through the halls; her perfume doesn't linger in the air. It's strange how such a vibrant presence can leave such a profound silence in its wake. But life goes on, and so must I. The day after she left for London, I found myself seeking comfort in an unexpected place: my father's arms.
It wasn’t planned or premeditated—it was more like a gravitational pull that neither of us could resist once we were alone together under this roof that suddenly seemed too big for just two people who shared more than half their genes but had never crossed certain lines before now... until today when everything changed without warning or reason other than pure human desire at its most raw form which made all logic irrelevant because nothing else mattered except being close to him even though he is technically off-limits due to social norms about family relationships but those rules didn’t apply anymore not here within these walls where reality felt suspended by invisible threads woven from our shared grief over losing mom temporarily yet still painfully every single day until she returns home again someday soon hopefully sooner rather than later but until then life continues moving forward relentlessly regardless of whether we are ready for it or not so here I am writing about something so intimate yet also incredibly confusing because what does this say about me? What kind of person does this make me out to be when society has ingrained certain taboos into our collective consciousness since birth making any deviation from those unwritten laws seem wrong even if it feels right deep down inside where nobody else can see or judge you based solely on their own moral compass which may differ greatly from yours depending upon individual beliefs and values systems passed down through generations like precious heirlooms meant only for display purposes rather than actual use during times like these when normalcy has been turned upside down leaving us both feeling lost adrift amidst waves crashing against jagged rocks representing fears unknown while simultaneously providing solace wrapped tightly around each other beneath sheets dampened by sweat intermingled with tears shed silently into pillows stained darkly enough they might never come clean again no matter how many times they go through the wash cycle spinning round & round much like thoughts spiraling out control whenever sleep eludes me late at night causing restlessness bordering on insanity unless some sort release is found whether physical emotional intellectual spiritual doesn’t really matter as long as there is some semblance balance restored however fleetingly before morning comes knocking once more bringing with it another day filled with uncertainty regarding future interactions between myself & dad wondering how things will change now that boundaries have shifted dramatically altering dynamics previously taken for granted without question nor hesitation back when mom was still here keeping everything stable secure predictable comfortable familiar safe loving nurturing protective sheltering shielding guarding watching over us always present within arm’s reach should either one need guidance support encouragement love unconditional acceptance understanding forgiveness patience kindness gentleness warmth affection tenderness care concern respect trust faith hope dreams aspirations ambitions goals plans wishes wants desires needs demands expectations requirements obligations responsibilities duties commitments promises oaths vows bonds connections ties links relationships friendships partnership companionship camaraderie unity solidarity teamwork cooperation collaboration alliance friendship intimacy closeness nearness proximity presence absence void gap chasm abyss emptiness loneliness solitude seclusion isolation separation division fragmentation disconnection alienation estrangement detachment withdrawal retreat departure loss abandonment desertion rejection denial ignorance blindness deafness muteness silence scream shriek yell shout whisper sigh moan groan grunt gasp pant breathe live exist survive thrive prosper flourish grow evolve transform change adapt adjust modify alter shift transition migrate move relocate travel journey explore discover learn experience experiment innovate create invent imagine dream aspire hope wish believe accept understand forgive pardon absolve redeem save rescue deliver liberate free emancipate enlighten illuminate clarify simplify solve resolve reconcile harmonize synchronize balance stabilize steady secure protect defend preserve conserve maintain sustain uphold continue persist persevere endure overcome surmount triumph succeed achieve attain acquire obtain possess hold cherish treasure value prize honor celebrate commemorate remember recall think contemplate reflect meditate pray worship revere esteem admire appreciate recognize identify acknowledge comprehend grasp conceive envision visualize conceptualize articulate express communicate convey describe narrate relate recount tell explain clarify instruct educate inform enlighten edify uplift inspire motivate encourage support champion endorse promote advance elevated ascend rise climb conquer achieve master excel distinguish oneself stand out shine sparkle twinkle gleam glimmer glow burn blaze flare scorch sear sizzle pop fizz crackle snap hiss roar thunder boom bang crash collide impact smash break destroy ruin wreck devastate ravage consume swallow engulf immerse drown suffocate choke strangle smother stifle suppress quell quash mute silence censor hide conceal mask disguise pretend play act feign fake mimic imitate copy duplicate replicate reproduce multiply expand increase augment enhance improve progress evolve develop mature ripen age decline deterioriate decay waste erode vanish disappear cease halt stop end finish conclude complete culmin