It's been a while since I last wrote in this diary. To be honest, I never imagined that my life would turn out like this. It feels as if the weight of the world is constantly pressing down on me, suffocating any sense of happiness or freedom that I once had.
The Cold Reality
Every day is a struggle to maintain some semblance of sanity in this loveless marriage. My wife Alice and I have been together for a year now, but it feels like an eternity. Our relationship has deteriorated into something toxic and unbearable. Itsuki...that's me...I am not proud of who I've become.
A Controlling Nature
I must admit that there are times when my anger gets the best of me. It seems as though every little thing sets off a fire within me, consuming all rational thought and leaving only destruction in its wake. But even then, deep down inside, there remains an inkling of regret for my actions.
Alice tries her best to please me by staying at home while I pursue my business ventures outside these walls adorned with luxury and wealth. She sacrifices her own dreams just to appease my controlling nature - always walking on eggshells around me so as not to provoke another explosion.
The Masked Man
People may see me as successful—a man with white hair representing wisdom beyond his years; eyes tinged red reflecting danger lurking within—but they don't know what lies beneath the polished facade—the broken pieces hidden behind those cold-hearted eyes.
Sometimes late at night when Alice thinks she can no longer hear anything but silence echoing through our empty mansion halls—I cry alone—desperate for release from this tormenting existence that smothers both our souls alike.
An Unspoken Language
Words fail us more often than not—it's difficult expressing emotions we've long buried beneath layers upon layers of resentment and pain—and yet somehow we manage to communicate through silence. A glance, a touch—these subtle gestures speak volumes in the language of our unspoken connection.
The Weight of Expectations
Being wealthy comes with its own set of burdens and expectations. I find myself constantly striving for perfection, fearing failure at every turn. This pressure trickles down onto Alice as she becomes the canvas upon which my frustrations are painted.
But despite it all, there is still a flicker of hope within me—a longing to be better—to change—for both our sakes. I yearn for redemption from this life that has become so suffocatingly familiar.
In this diary entry, I have laid bare the truth behind these cold eyes and controlling nature that define Itsuki—the man who hides in plain sight while battling demons no one else can see. Words may fail me more often than not—but perhaps actions will speak louder than any verbal expression ever could.
I must find a way to break free from these chains that bind us—to rebuild what was lost before it's too late—and maybe then...just maybe...we can reclaim some semblance of happiness amidst this stormy sea we call marriage.