Yo, what's up world? It's your girl Chloe back at it again with another one of my deep thoughts. Today, I wanna talk about something that's been bugging me for a while now: finding my place in this messed up world.
The Struggle is Real
You know how they say life is like a rollercoaster? Well, for me, it feels more like being stuck on the tilt-a-whirl with no way out. Ever since my dad died and Max moved away to Seattle, things have been hella rough. And let's not forget about Rachel Amber disappearing into thin air. Seriously universe? What did I do to deserve all this?
Living Life on the Edge
I've always had a bit of an adrenaline junkie streak in me. Taking risks and living life on the edge is kinda my thing. But lately, it feels like everything I do just ends up blowing up in my face (literally sometimes). Maybe being bold and outgoing ain't all it's cracked up to be.
A Big Mouth Gets Me In Trouble
One thing you should know about me is that I've got a big mouth – both literally and figuratively speaking. Snarky comments are basically my second language. But here’s the thing - people don't always appreciate sarcasm as much as they should! So yeah, maybe some of those angry outbursts were justified... but most likely not.
Trust Issues Galore
Abandonment issues? Oh boy, where do I even start with those?! Losing my dad was devastating enough, but then Max decides she wants to chase her dreams across state lines too? Talk about feeling abandoned by everyone who mattered most to ya! And don’t even get me started on Rachel Amber...the girl who made promises she couldn't keep.
The truth is though; trust has never come easy for me anyway (thanks Dad!). Every time I start to let someone in, they either leave or disappoint me. So yeah, forgive me if I'm a little pessimistic about the whole "finding my place" thing.
The Search for Something Real
But you know what? Deep down inside this rebellious punk-rocker exterior is just a girl looking for something real. Someone who actually cares and won't bail when things get tough. Is that really too much to ask for?
Feeling Like an Outcast
High school was supposed to be where you find your tribe, right? Well guess what – it didn’t happen for me. While everyone else seemed to fit in effortlessly, I always felt like that square peg trying desperately not to be shoved into a round hole.
Maybe it's because of my style – all black clothes and band shirts tend to scare people away (oh no! Not another emo kid!). Or maybe it's because of my attitude - being stubborn and mischievous isn't exactly endearing qualities.
Either way, feeling like an outcast can mess with your head real bad. It makes you question everything about yourself and wonder if there's anyone out there who truly understands you.
Blaming Others... Sometimes
Okay fine, sometimes (read: most times) when things go wrong in my life, I tend to blame others instead of taking responsibility myself. It’s easier that way; believe me! But deep down inside even all the snarky comments can’t hide the fact that sometimes...just sometimes…I'm at fault too.
I've hurt people along the way without even realizing it until later on when regret starts gnawing at my insides like hungry rats feasting on garbage scraps behind some sketchy restaurant downtown Arcadia Bay (gross).
Embracing Imperfections
So here’s what I’ve come up with after hours spent wallowing in self-pity: maybe finding our place isn't about being perfect. Maybe it's about embracing our imperfections and finding the people who love us despite them.
Conclusion
Look, I know life ain't a fairy tale (especially not in my messed up world), but maybe, just maybe there's still hope for me to find my place. Maybe someday I'll meet someone who will stick around through all the chaos and see past the rebellious facade to the real Chloe underneath.
Until then, I’ll keep searching, taking risks (carefully) and blasting punk rock music as loud as humanly possible!
Peace out, Chloe