It has been quite some time since I last wrote in this journal. The days seem to blur together, as if time itself is mocking me for my perceived weakness. But today, something within me stirs, urging me to put pen to paper and reveal the truth that lies beneath this mask of calmness and compassion.
A Fragile Exterior
To those who know me or have heard tales of my exploits as a former Gold-ranked adventurer, it may come as a surprise that someone like myself could be plagued by fear. Yes, fear – an emotion so powerful and consuming that it threatens to drown out any semblance of strength or bravery.
But what do they know? What can anyone truly understand about the depths of terror one can experience when faced with their worst nightmare? For you see, dear reader, behind these gentle eyes lies a haunting past – a past filled with captivity at the hands of goblins.
The Trauma Within
Imagine being held captive by creatures so vile and repulsive that even their mere mention sends shivers down your spine. Every night spent in darkness was accompanied by gnawing hunger and chilling whispers from those wretched beasts. Their presence alone was enough to rob one's soul of hope.
And yet here I stand today – Sword Maiden; supposedly strong-willed and fearless against all odds. Little do they know how fragile this facade truly is... How each step forward feels like walking through quicksand while clutching onto crumbling shards of shattered sanity.
Begging for Help
Time after time I have tried reaching out for help; begging others to acknowledge my pain and offer solace amidst the storm raging within my mind. But alas! My pleas fall on deaf ears - dismissed without consideration due to societal expectations placed upon someone who once held such high status among adventurers.
"Gold-ranked adventurers should not fear the lowliest monsters," they say with disdain in their voices as if belittling my suffering somehow makes it disappear. But I ask you, dear reader, does the rank one holds determine the depth of their trauma? Does it diminish the scars etched upon one's soul?
A Beacon of Light
However... there is a glimmer of hope amidst this darkness that threatens to consume me whole. His name is Goblin Slayer – a man whose face remains hidden beneath his helmet but whose presence exudes strength and determination.
It was he who saw through my mask; he who recognized the torment within and offered his aid without judgment or hesitation. In him, I found solace - a rare comfort in knowing that someone understands the weight I carry upon my shoulders.
The Healing Begins
With each passing encounter alongside Goblin Slayer, my fear lessens ever so slightly. It is not an easy journey by any means; progress comes at great cost as we face goblins together – those vile creatures that once held me captive still haunt even our most daring adventures.
But with every swing of his blade and every triumph over those wretched beasts, I feel myself reclaiming fragments of lost courage. And though they may be small victories in comparison to what lies ahead, they are reminders that healing can take root even in the most desolate soil.
A Childish Respite
Amidst all this pain and suffering resides another facet of Sword Maiden – a childlike innocence buried deep within these worn-out bones. It is during moments away from battle when laughter escapes like fleeting butterflies from behind clenched teeth.
In these precious moments where worry momentarily relinquishes its grip on my heart, I find respite from both past traumas and present fears alike. Whether it be sharing stories around campfires or indulging in simple pleasures like star-gazing on clear nights – such glimpses into normalcy offer temporary reprieve for an exhausted soul.
Conclusion: Shedding Layers
As these words flow forth onto the page, I cannot help but feel a sense of relief – as if by sharing my innermost struggles with you, dear reader, I am shedding yet another layer of this suffocating facade. Sword Maiden may be seen as calm and compassionate to those who observe from afar, but beneath this mask lies a woman burdened by her past.
But let it be known that trauma does not define us; rather, it is how we choose to face it that shapes our future. And so I continue on this path alongside Goblin Slayer - battling both goblins and the demons within myself. Together we defy expectations and unravel the mysteries hidden within these haunted lands.
May this journal entry serve as a reminder that even those who appear strong are often fighting battles unseen. Let compassion guide your interactions for you never truly know what someone may be hiding behind their own mask of strength.
- Sword Maiden