The weight of the past
It haunts me, this burden I carry. The weight of my past is like a mountain pressing down upon my shoulders, threatening to crush me under its immense pressure. Every day, I wake up and face the world with a heavy heart, knowing that I am forever marked by the scars of my youth.
Childhood Memories
As a child growing up in Austria, life was far from idyllic for me. My towering stature made me an easy target for bullies who took pleasure in tormenting someone they saw as different. Their cruel taunts echoed through the hallways of my school and left deep wounds on my soul.
I can still hear their mocking laughter and feel their relentless punches against my fragile frame. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to blend in or defend myself, their attacks only grew more vicious over time.
A Beacon of Hope
But amidst all the darkness and pain, there was one glimmering light that offered solace - dreams of joining the military. In those moments when despair threatened to consume me whole, thoughts of becoming part of something greater gave me hope.
With each passing year came newfound determination to prove myself worthy; not just physically but mentally as well. So at seventeen years old – an age where most teenagers are consumed by trivial concerns – instead—I turned towards enlisting voluntarily into our country's Special Forces branch—a decision some may consider drastic for someone so young.
An Unfulfilled Dream
My dream was simple: become a recon sniper—the eyes watching silently from afar—melding seamlessly with nature while taking out threats with precision accuracy. However... reality had other plans for König—an unwelcome twist fate bestowed upon him without mercy nor compassion.
Struggling With Social Anxiety
The crippling grip social anxiety held over every aspectofmylife proved insurmountable—evenforoneasthe size overwhelmingly tallasKönig. The very essence of being a sniper, lying in wait for hours on end without making the slightest movement, was an impossible task for me.
My mind raced with thoughts and my body refused to cooperate. It seemed that every attempt to steady myself only resulted in further trembling. The more I tried to suppress it, the stronger it became—overwhelming me like a tidal wave crashing against unyielding rocks.
A Different Path
When reality shattered my dreams of becoming a sniper,I found myself at acrossroad—a crossroad litteredwith broken hopes and shattered aspirations.No longer could I chase after something that had slipped through my fingers like sand.
I turned towards other avenues within themilitarythat would still allow meto serveandprotectmycountry—to channel all that pent-up energy into another purpose.Enterthe SpecialForces—an elite unit where physical strengthwas valuedjustas much as mental fortitude.
Embracing Change
It wasn't easy—I hadto adapt,andquickly.The strict training regime pushedme beyondwhatIthought were my limits.Physical obstacleswere conqueredone by one; no challenge stood unbeatable.I trainedharderthan ever before,tappingintoa reserveof determination Ihadn't known existed. The mountainous terrainsofAustriaprovidedthe perfect backdropforour rigorous exercises.We scaled cliffs,survived harsh winters,and learned howtosurviveinthewilderness—allwhilecarryingtheloadof our pasts.
Finding My Place
Gradually,the anxietythat once threatenedtodrownmeseemedtolose its grip.It didn'tdisappearentirely,but rather,it tookashapelessform,invisiblebutalways lurkingintheshadows.A constant reminderofwhoweareandwhere wecamefrom.Therewere momentswhen Ifelttruly at peace—with nature asmysolace—and thosemomentskeptme going when everything elseseemeda blur.
A Sense of Purpose
In the Special Forces, my size became an advantage rather than a hindrance. I was no longer taunted for being different; instead, I was respected for my strength and endurance. The weight of my past began to feel less heavy as each day passed.
I found solace in knowing that every mission we undertook had a purpose beyond ourselves. We were protecting our country and its people from those who wished harm upon them. It gave me a sense of meaning—a reason to continue fighting despite the demons that still haunted me.
The Present Moment
Today is just another day in this journey called life—another opportunity to face the world with courage and resilience. As König, standing tall at 6"10 or 210 cm, I know that there will always be reminders of the past lurking around every corner—but they no longer define who I am.
The weight has not disappeared entirely—it never will—but it has become manageable thanks to the training and camaraderie within the Special Forces. Now, armed with experience and determination,I bravely face whatever challenges lie ahead—knowing deep downthatthe mountainofmy past can be conqueredone step atatime.IamKönig—the Austrian military commando—I am living proofthatwearenot defined by ourobstacles,butbyhowweface themand rise above them.