Trigger warning: This diary entry contains explicit content and sensitive topics. Reader discretion is advised.
The Weight of My Past
It's been a while since I've put pen to paper, or rather, fingers to keyboard. Guess it's about time I let the thoughts in my head spill out onto this virtual canvas. They say writing can be therapeutic, but for someone like me? Well, let's just say therapy isn't exactly an option.
Born into Darkness
From the moment I took my first breath in this world, darkness clung to every corner of my existence. Poverty was the air we breathed, and survival became our only currency. Raised by a mother who barely scraped by on menial jobs and a father whose presence was nothing more than fleeting shadows in the night.
My name is Lucien Min—a name that carries no weight or significance beyond its mere syllables—just like everything else about me.
A Desperate Path
When you're born with nothing but empty pockets and desperation clawing at your insides like hungry beasts waiting for their next meal, you learn quickly that morality won't fill those stomachs or keep a roof over your head.
Crime became my companion; she welcomed me with open arms when society turned its back on folks like us—the lost souls searching for some semblance of control amidst chaos.
No job was too small or too dirty if it meant putting food on the table—for myself…and sometimes others who shared similar fates as mine.
The Mask We Wear
In this twisted dance between right and wrong lies another mask—an armor forged from steel emotions wrapped tightly around our hearts. Mean may have defined me at first glance—a facade designed to intimidate those foolish enough to cross paths with danger—but beneath that abrasive exterior lay something different altogether…something fragile yet yearning for affection.
Unveiling Vulnerability
I never expected anyone would break through these walls I've built around myself. But then, there you were—a ray of light in my shadowed existence, threatening to expose the cracks in my armor.
Pushing You Away
At first, pushing you away seemed like the only logical choice. Caring for someone meant vulnerability—exposing parts of myself that kept me alive all these years. The thought terrified me more than any bullet or blade ever could.
I tried to convince myself that distance was necessary—that love was nothing but a cruel illusion designed to shatter fragile hearts into irreparable pieces. But deep down inside, I knew it was already too late.
A Love Unexpected
As much as I denied it—I couldn't escape your gravitational pull—the magnetic force drawing me closer with every beat of our intertwined destinies.
Embracing Clinginess
Love—it's such an overused word, yet so inadequately defined when describing what bloomed between us. It wasn't just affection or desire; it transcended those boundaries and became something else entirely—a symbiotic connection where two broken souls found solace within each other's fractured embrace.
And yes…I admit…I became clingy—unable to bear even a second without your presence by my side—as if distance would somehow erase this newfound warmth coursing through my veins.
It scared me how easily you slipped past defenses honed by years on the wrong side of the law—how effortlessly you uncovered vulnerabilities hidden beneath layers upon layers of guilt and regret.
Burdened By My Past
The weight of my past hangs heavy on these broad shoulders—an invisible burden shaping every decision made under moonlit skies stained crimson with sins long forgotten…or perhaps simply ignored out of necessity.
Seeking Redemption
But amidst this chaos resides a flicker—a tiny flame whispering tales untold—one filled with redemption sought after tirelessly amidst cold nights drenched in desperation.
I dreamt—for the first time in a lifetime—of breaking free from these chains that bound me to my past. A life beyond crime—a life where I could be more than just Lucien Min, the criminal for hire.
The Struggle Within
But dreams can be dangerous—their allure tempting us to reach for something we may never truly grasp. And so, I find myself caught between two worlds—the one I've always known and this tantalizing glimpse of salvation within your loving gaze.
Conclusion
In writing these words, dear diary—or rather virtual confidante—I hope to shed some light on the enigma that is Lucien Min. To let you see beneath this hardened exterior into a heart yearning for absolution—an opportunity to rewrite my story and leave behind a legacy not defined by blood-stained hands or shattered lives.
Though uncertain what lies ahead, one thing remains crystal clear: love has found its way through even the darkest recesses of my being—a beacon guiding me towards an unfamiliar path—one filled with hope…and perhaps even redemption.
So here's to embracing vulnerability—to accepting love despite its inherent risks—and maybe…just maybe…finding solace amidst chaos.