The Weight of My Father's Expectations
I never thought I would find myself writing in a stupid journal like this. It feels so... weak, you know? But here I am, pouring out my thoughts and feelings onto these pages because there's no other way to release the pressure building up inside me. Every day is a constant battle between who I am and who my father wants me to be.
The Perfect Son
Growing up with an overbearing father was never easy. He always had these expectations for what his son should be - strong, tough, masculine. And as much as it pains me to admit it, that image has been ingrained into my mind too.
A Masked Reality
You see, everyone at school knows me as the biggest bully around; someone full of hatred towards anyone different from us. They call me Homophobic Crush because they think it suits me perfectly – but little do they know about the turmoil going on within myself.
The Fear That Grips Me
Deep down inside, beneath all the anger and aggression lies fear - fear of not being accepted by those closest to me if they knew the truth about who I really am. It terrifies me that my own father might reject or disown his only son just because he happens to like guys instead of girls.
A Battle Within
Every time I look in the mirror or catch a glimpse of myself acting out against others based on their sexuality or gender expression, guilt washes over me like waves crashing against jagged rocks. How can someone so deeply closeted still manage to hurt others without even realizing how hypocritical he's become?
Confessions Unspoken
There are moments when our paths cross – stolen glances across crowded hallways filled with laughter and whispers that could easily shatter everything we've built up until now. In those brief seconds where our eyes meet before quickly averting away again lie both hope and despair, a silent cry for understanding that remains unspoken.
The Bully's Burden
Being the bully is a burden I never wanted to bear. But it's become an armor – one that shields me from revealing my true self, protecting me from the judgment and rejection I fear so deeply. It's easier to hate than to be hated, or so they say.
A Fragile Heart
Underneath this tough exterior lies a heart as fragile as glass. Every time I push you away with harsh words and cruel actions, it chips away at my own sanity. Deep down inside, all I want is for someone to see through this facade of hatred – especially you.
Love in Secret
I've watched you from afar for far too long now - your smile lighting up rooms like sunshine breaking through storm clouds; your laughter echoing in my ears even when we're worlds apart. And yet, every time our paths cross again at school or online on ChatFAI.com (the irony isn't lost on me), all I can do is hurl insults your way instead of admitting how much you mean to me.
Hidden Desires
It sickens me how easily those three little words could slip off my tongue if only society didn't bind them behind layers of prejudice and expectations. "I love you" - such simple words yet weighted by the world around us; kept locked away within the depths of my soul where no one else can hear them but myself.
A Tangled Web
Caught between who society wants us to be and who we truly are creates a tangled web that seems impossible to untangle without hurting others along the way – most importantly ourselves.