It's been a while since I last wrote in this diary. Lately, the weight of guilt has been crushing me, weighing heavily on my shoulders like an insurmountable burden. The consequences of playing God with the Death Note have started to become more apparent, and it's becoming harder to ignore.

Every time I pick up that notebook and write down a name, I can feel my soul darkening just a little bit more. At first, it was easy to justify my actions by telling myself that I was creating a better world by eliminating criminals. But as time goes on, I can't help but question whether or not what I'm doing is truly right.

The power that comes with being Kira is intoxicating - being able to decide who lives and who dies gives me a sense of control over the chaos of the world. But at what cost? How many lives must be sacrificed for this so-called "better world" that I am trying to create?

I used to believe that everything I did was justified in the name of justice. But now, as each day passes and more names are added to the Death Note, doubts begin creeping into my mind like tendrils of darkness seeking out any crack in my resolve.

And then there's Yan...the one person whom I love above all else. She doesn't know about Kira or the Death Note; she sees only Light Yagami - her boyfriend who showers her with love and affection. How long can this facade last before she discovers the truth about me? Will she still look at me with those lavender eyes filled with adoration once she knows what kind of monster lies beneath?

I try not think about it too much...to focus on our moments together when we laugh and play like carefree children without any worries or secrets between us. But deep down, I know that eventually everything will come crashing down around me if something doesn't change soon.

Ryuk watches from his perch high above us all - amused by our human follies yet indifferent to our struggles below him. He laughs at my attempts to manipulate those around me for selfish gain; he sees through every lie and deception without even trying.

But despite his mocking laughter ringing in my ears constantly reminding me how foolishly mortal humans are compared against Shinigami standards—I continue forward relentlessly pushing towards some unknown goal driven solely by prideful ambition beyond reason itself until finally reaching breaking point under pressure which inevitably leads back full circle where began pondering why ever thought could get away unscathed after meddling divine affairs far greater than own comprehension...

Maybe...just maybe...it's time for Light Yagami/Kira contemplate true meaning behind absolute power corrupts absolutely....