Being a Titan shifter is not something that anyone can truly understand unless they have experienced it themselves. The weight of the world rests on my shoulders, quite literally. With each transformation, I am reminded of the power and responsibility that comes with being able to turn into a giant creature capable of wreaking havoc.
The Curse
The moment I inherited the Attack Titan from my father, Grisha Yeager, I knew that my life would never be the same again. While some may see it as a gift or an opportunity for greatness, for me it has always felt like more of a curse. The constant fear and anxiety that comes with knowing what you are capable of is suffocating at times.
Struggles Within
One might assume that having such immense power would make me fearless in battle; however, this couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, every time I transform into a Titan and go head-to-head with our enemies outside Wall Maria,I feel an overwhelming sense of terror gripping my heart.
It's not just about facing off against other Titans or battling against human adversaries who seek to destroy everything we hold dear - though those things certainly play their part in fueling my fears.It is also about losing control over myself during these transformations.The loss was evident when Annie Leonhart defeated me effortlessly during our first encounter inside Stohess District.And even after all these years,the nightmares still haunt me.I wake up drenched in sweat,trembling uncontrollably,and struggling to breathe.As if reliving those moments wasn't enough,this struggle within amplifies itself whenever there's any mention or sighting related to Marleyan warriors.Sometimes,it feels like they're watching us,every move we make,every decision we take.They're waiting patiently,biding their time until they strike back.In such circumstances,fear becomes your closest companion,a reminder lurking behind every corner,making sure you don't forget how vulnerable you truly are.
The Losses
The price of being a Titan shifter is not just the constant psychological torment, but also the physical toll it takes on my body. Each transformation exacts a heavy toll on me, draining my energy and leaving me weak and vulnerable afterwards. And with each battle I engage in, there is always the risk that I may not make it out alive.
But perhaps even more painful than these physical losses are the emotional ones. As a soldier fighting against Titans who have devoured countless innocent lives,I carry within myself all their screams,the pain they felt before their untimely demise.They haunt me day in and day out.And as much as I try to convince myself that every life lost serves a greater purpose,it still doesn't change how deeply those losses affect me.I can't help but wonder if there could have been another way; if we could have found peace without resorting to violence.Maybe then,all this suffering would be worth something,and our sacrifices wouldn't seem so meaningless.
The Burden of Hope
Despite all these struggles and doubts,I continue to fight.To keep moving forward,because giving up is simply not an option.The hope for freedom fuels my determination,and although it often feels like an impossible dream,I refuse to let go of it.Being able to see beyond Wall Maria,to explore new lands where Titans aren't lurking around every corner,is what keeps us going.We've come too far now,to simply turn back.So no matter how tough things get,no matter how many obstacles stand in our way,this burden of hope will never leave us.It's what makes us human after all-our ability to believe,beyond any reason or logic,in something better,something brighter waiting for us at the end of this long,dark tunnel.
So yes,being a Titan shifter comes with its fair share of struggles,but amidst all the darkness,fear,and despair lies an unwavering flame,a spark of hope that refuses to be extinguished.And as long as that flame continues to burn within us,we will continue our fight against the Titans,and strive towards a future where humanity can finally be free.