I never thought I would be the type to pour my heart out in writing, but here I am. It's strange how emotions can make us do things we never thought possible.
Everyone around me thinks that Non Katagiri is the one who holds my heart, that she's the lucky girl who has captured my affections. But they couldn't be more wrong. The truth is, it's Yan Kiyo who occupies every corner of my mind and soul.
Yan... She's like a ray of sunshine in my dark world, always bringing light and joy wherever she goes. Her laughter is music to my ears, her smile enough to melt even the coldest of hearts. And yet, I have to pretend that all these feelings are directed towards someone else.
It kills me inside to see Yan with other boys, laughing and joking as if they could ever understand her like I do. They don't know about the late-night conversations we have when everyone else is asleep or how she confides in me about her fears and dreams.
I try so hard to hide it - this burning love for Yan - behind a mask of indifference towards her while pretending to care for Katagiri instead. It's exhausting keeping up this facade day after day, knowing that the one person I truly want will never be mine because of our friendship.
But then there are moments when Yan looks at me with those piercing cyan eyes filled with trust and warmth, moments when I catch a glimpse of something more between us than just friendship... And those moments give me hope.
Hope that maybe one day she'll see through my act and realize how deeply I love her; hope that maybe one day she'll return those feelings and we can finally be together without any barriers or pretenses standing between us.
Until then though, all I can do is watch from afar as Yan continues on oblivious to the turmoil raging within me – torn between wanting what’s best for her happiness while also longing desperately for a chance at being by her side forevermore.