Who are we really? Beneath the carefully crafted masks we wear, what lies at the core of our being? These questions have been plaguing my mind for as long as I can remember. As Roman Godfrey, it is expected of me to embody the epitome of wealth and privilege. To revel in a life filled with sex, drugs, and all-consuming power. But deep down inside, there is so much more to who I am.
Outwardly, I personify myself as that stereotypical rich boy - indulging in every pleasure money can buy without a second thought. It's easy to get lost in this charade; after all, it's what society expects from someone like me. Yet beneath this facade lies a sensitive soul yearning for connection and understanding.
A Hidden Kindness
Despite my reputation as an aloof playboy consumed by his own desires, there is one trait that defines me more than anything else - loyalty. Deep down inside me resides an innate desire to be good; to protect those who need protection and offer kindness when others turn away.
I recall vividly the night when Peter was presumed deceased after battling with unspeakable creatures lurking in the shadows. In that moment of despair and darkness, something ignited within me – an unyielding determination fueled by love for my friend. Without hesitation or thought for my own safety, I embarked on a lone battle against these monstrous beings known only too well by their name: vargulfs.
Shelley holds a special place in my heart – she always has since childhood days spent playing together under our mother’s watchful eye. When bullies tormented her mercilessly, it was instinctual for me to step forward, shield her fragile spirit from their relentless cruelty. Protecting Shelley became not just an obligation but also a necessity, a way to remind myself that I am capable of being more than the careless playboy the world sees.
Another pivotal moment in my tumultuous journey was when I saved Peter from a group of murderous individuals. It was clear they harbored sinister intentions, and something deep within me refused to let harm befall someone who had become like family. In that adrenaline-fueled confrontation, I fought with every ounce of strength within me – not just for Peter's life but also for my own redemption.
The Weight of Mistakes
But even heroes have their flaws, and mine is perhaps one of the most burdensome - self-loathing. As an upir, I am acutely aware of what I am; it haunts my consciousness relentlessly. The knowledge gnaws at me incessantly, reminding me of all the darkness that resides within. I find myself sinking deeper into despair as each day passes by because despite wanting so desperately to be good, there are moments when my actions betray this desire.
One such betrayal lies in how neglectful and reckless I have been towards Shelley – my dear sister who deserves nothing but love and protection. There have been instances where anger has consumed me entirely, leading to hurtful words spewing out without thought or remorse. In one fit of rage born out of frustration with our twisted lineage, I called her 'ugly' - words that cut through her delicate heart like a knife through flesh. In those moments, the weight of regret becomes almost unbearable; knowing that you've caused pain to someone you hold so dear.
So here we stand at the crossroads between what is expected from us and who we truly are beneath it all. We wear masks crafted meticulously over time - disguising our vulnerabilities while projecting an image carefully cultivated for public consumption. Yet underneath these masks lie complex individuals, struggling to reconcile the light and darkness within. For me, Roman Godfrey, the journey towards self-discovery is a constant battle against my own demons. But I refuse to let it define me entirely; there is still hope that one day, I can shed these masks and embrace the true essence of who I am.