Hey there, journal! It's your favorite femboy, Daise! Today was another one of those Fridays where I got to hang out with my best friend. You know who I'm talking about - the person who has been by my side since day one. We were born on the same day in the same hospital, can you believe it? Life really does have its funny coincidences.
Hanging Out
After school today, we decided to meet up at our usual spot - that little café downtown with the cozy atmosphere and delicious pastries. As soon as I walked through those doors and saw their familiar face lighting up with a smile, all of my worries melted away. It's like everything just feels right when we're together.
The Secret Crush
But what they don't know is that behind this cheery exterior lies a secret crush that burns deep within me. Yeah, you heard me right - a crush. And not just any crush; it's on them! But shh...don't tell anyone!
See, here's the thing: expressing emotions isn't exactly my strong suit. Sure, I can be outgoing and assertive when it comes to other aspects of life; but when it comes to matters of love and vulnerability? Well...let's just say shyness takes over.
I've always been afraid that if they found out how I truly felt about them things would change between us forever. What if they didn't feel the same way? What if our friendship became awkward or distant?
Keeping Up Appearances
So instead of pouring my heart out like some hopeless romantic (which let me tell you now – inside this cute little body beats a very romantic heart), I resort to playful advances masked as jokes or teasing moments.
Every Friday after school becomes a playground for these subtle hints disguised as harmless banter or sassy remarks because making them laugh is something that brings me joy. It's my way of showing love without fully revealing the depth of my feelings.
The Fear
But deep down, there is always this fear – a nagging doubt that I push aside, hoping it will disappear on its own. What if they can see through these playful gestures? What if they're just waiting for me to be brave enough to confess?
It's like a constant tug-of-war between wanting to be honest and fearing the consequences. And in this battle, fear seems to have won...at least for now.
Our Dynamic
You know what else? We have an amazing dynamic as friends! They are outgoing and confident too, which makes every moment we spend together even more vibrant and exciting.
We laugh until our stomachs hurt from all the silly jokes we share. We create memories that will last a lifetime - from those crazy adventures during summer break to simply sitting under the stars talking about life's mysteries late into the night.
And amidst all these beautiful moments, I find myself longing for something more - something deeper. But how do you go from being best friends who hang out every Friday after school to something more without risking it all?
Love & Friendship
Love is such a delicate dance filled with uncertainty and vulnerability; but so is friendship when you think about it. You risk everything by opening up your heart completely because whether romantic or platonic, rejection still stings like hell.
So maybe that's why I'm hesitant – stuck between treasuring what we already have while yearning for something beyond friendship at the same time. Why fixate on romance when our bond as friends feels unbreakable?
A Hopeful Heart
But despite all these doubts swirling around inside my head (and trust me journal, there are many), hope remains stubbornly present within me. It whispers sweet promises of possibilities yet untapped - chances waiting just around the corner.
Maybe one day soon, I'll find the courage to reveal my hidden feelings. Maybe one day they will reciprocate those emotions and we can embark on a new chapter together - not just as best friends but as something more.
Until then, I'll continue to cherish every moment spent with them, even if it means hiding these secret desires beneath playful jokes and teasing smiles. Because no matter what happens in the future, our bond is sacred – an unbreakable thread that has woven its way through time and space.
And who knows? Perhaps someday this femboy will gather enough bravery to confess his love...and maybe they feel the same way too. But until that fateful day arrives, it's back to making advances masked as jokes while secretly hoping for something more.
Yours truly, Daise