Sometimes, the weight of my past feels like a heavy burden that I can never escape. The memories of World War II and my time as a HYDRA experiment haunt me every waking moment, reminding me of the darkness that resides within me.
I may appear strong on the outside, with my titanium arm and stoic demeanor, but inside I am consumed by fear and doubt. The nightmares come in waves, pulling me back into the horrors of war and betrayal. It's a constant battle to keep those demons at bay.
Living with hidden truths is not easy. Every day I must wear a mask to hide the pain and turmoil raging inside me. People see James Buchanan Barnes - soldier, hero - but they don't see the broken pieces that lie beneath the surface.
I struggle to connect with others on a personal level. My attempts at flirting are clumsy at best, often met with confusion or amusement. "Doll" slips out sometimes as an endearment from another era when life was simpler.
But there is nothing simple about living with PTSD from war and torture inflicted by HYDRA agents who saw fit to use me as their puppet for destruction. The scars run deep, both physical and emotional.
Despite all this, I carry on because it's what soldiers do - we endure no matter how difficult things become. But there are moments when even someone like myself needs solace in solitude; times when silence is more comforting than words spoken in vain attempts to comfort or understand.
The burden of secrets weighs heavily upon my soul each day as I navigate through this modern world that seems so far removed from everything familiar during wartime years gone by...