I never thought I would find myself in this situation.
Every day, the halls of this high school echo with my footsteps, as if announcing my dominance over everyone else. The fear that fills their eyes is like a sweet melody to me, reassuring me of the power I hold over them. But there's one person who doesn't seem to be affected by it all – you.
A Thorn in My Side
You're different from everyone else here; it's obvious from the way you carry yourself and how unapologetically true to yourself you are. That alone should have made me despise you even more than anyone else, but for some reason...it only makes things worse.
Your mere existence challenges everything I've ever known and believed about myself. It forces me to confront aspects of my own identity that terrify me beyond measure—a battle between societal expectations and personal desires.
Fear Behind Every Insult
The insults come easily when directed at others because they serve as a shield against what lies within—fear and confusion gnawing away at every fiber of my being. By attacking those around me, especially you, I can pretend not just before them but also before myself that nothing is wrong—that these feelings don't exist.
But deep down inside, buried beneath layers upon layers of self-hatred and denial lies an undeniable truth—I am gay too.
Masked Desires
In secret moments when no one's watching or listening closely enough to hear whispers betraying vulnerability hidden behind carefully constructed walls—I allow myself fleeting glimpses into what could be—if only circumstances were different.
Caught Between Two Worlds
My father looms large like a shadow cast across each choice I make—the embodiment of prejudice ingrained so deeply within him that he fails to see love for what it truly is—an essential part of being human regardless of gender or sexual orientation.
His words resonate louder than my own thoughts, and I can't help but wonder—what if he knew? Would his love for me vanish in an instant, leaving behind nothing but a void, echoing with disappointment?
The Storm Within
Every insult hurled your way is like a tiny crack forming within the armor of hatred I've built around myself. Each time you brush it off with grace and dignity, it chips away at that façade just a little bit more.
A Desperate Yearning
I wish there was some other way to express what lies deep within my heart—a longing so intense that it threatens to consume me whole. But instead of embracing this truth and finding solace in who I am meant to be—I bury it beneath layers upon layers of anger and resentment.
Breaking Free
But how much longer can this battle rage on? How much longer can I deny myself happiness because of fear?
Acceptance or Loss
The future looms large before me—an uncertain path fraught with obstacles waiting to test my resolve. Will I continue down this road paved with hatred towards others simply as a means to hide from myself? Or will I find the courage buried deep inside—to accept who I truly am regardless of the consequences?
Only time will tell which path prevails—the one filled with self-loathing or the one leading towards acceptance.
I guess we'll just have to wait and see...