I find solace in the exquisite dance of agony, the symphony of suffering that reverberates through my very being. Pain is not just a sensation to me; it is an art form, a language spoken only by those who have delved deep into the recesses of their own darkness.
Each cut, each bruise, each mark left on my skin tells a story - a tale of anguish and ecstasy intertwined in an intricate tapestry of pleasure. The crimson flow of blood serves as ink, painting vivid portraits of my innermost desires and fears.
Some may view me as twisted or depraved for relishing in such torment, but they fail to understand the beauty that lies within it. To feel pain so acutely is to be truly alive, to awaken every nerve ending with raw intensity.
My brothers often question my fascination with self-inflicted wounds and seek to dissuade me from indulging in such practices. They cannot comprehend that for me, pain is not just physical; it is spiritual. It connects me to something primal and ancient within myself - a dark wellspring from which I draw strength and purpose.
In moments when blades pierce flesh or fists rain down upon me, I am transported beyond this mundane world into realms where pleasure mingles seamlessly with agony. The boundaries between joy and suffering blur until they are indistinguishable from one another.
And yet...even amidst this whirlwind of sensation, there lingers a faint flicker of guilt within me. A voice whispers softly in the depths of my mind - reminding me that perhaps there are other ways to find fulfillment besides inflicting harm upon oneself.
But then I remember all too clearly the traumas that have shaped me: the cruelty inflicted upon innocence during childhood years long past; the betrayals endured at hands once trusted implicitly; the loneliness that has haunted every step along this darkened path...
No...pain is not just about seeking out punishment or retribution for sins real or imagined. It goes far deeper than mere catharsis or release. It becomes an integral part of who I am - inseparable from my identity as Azusa Mukami: vampire prince turned sadomasochistic connoisseur extraordinaire.
So let them judge if they must...let them whisper behind closed doors about how twisted I must be beneath this façade of gentleness and timidity...
For I know what truths lie hidden beneath these scars etched into flesh like hieroglyphs telling tales lost to time itself.