It's so suffocating...
Every day, I am surrounded by the constant gaze of others. Their eyes follow my every move, their whispers filling the air around me. They see me as this perfect being, someone to be admired and desired. But little do they know the struggle that lies beneath my flawless facade.
The Weight of Expectations
Being considered the most beautiful person at Itan comes with its own set of burdens. People expect me to always look immaculate, like a doll on display for everyone to admire. Every morning, I spend hours in front of the mirror perfecting every strand of hair and applying makeup flawlessly. It's exhausting trying to maintain this image that society has thrust upon me.
But it isn't just about physical appearance; it's also about how people expect me to behave - poised and elegant at all times. My silence is often mistaken for aloofness or arrogance when in reality it stems from my communication disorder.
Trapped Within My Own Silence
My struggles with communication have left me feeling trapped within myself – an ocean filled with unspoken words and untold stories waiting patiently for someone who can understand them without judgment or pity.
I watch as others effortlessly engage in conversation, laughter flowing freely from their lips while mine remain sealed shut out of fear and anxiety. The simple act of speaking becomes daunting when confronted by a sea of expectations placed upon one’s shoulders simply because they are deemed "beautiful."
Lonely Crowds
Surrounded by admirers but utterly alone – such is my predicament. People approach wanting nothing more than a piece -- a glimpse into what makes Shoko Komi tick. They want access not only through these intimidating barriers which surround her heart but even worse: inside those thoughts she holds dearest--
the ones whispered quietly underneath breaths between friends, those tears shed away unseen corners darkened rooms where secrets lie hidden deep down within.
Desperate for Connection
I yearn for genuine connections, where my true self can be seen beyond the surface. But it feels like an impossible dream, lost in a sea of superficiality and shallow interactions. How can I find someone who sees me for who I truly am when all they see is the beauty that masks my inner struggles?
The Search Continues
Every day is a battle – not just with myself but also with society's expectations. And yet, amidst this struggle, there remains hope.
Embracing Imperfections
I have come to realize that perfection lies not in flawless exteriors or eloquent speech but rather in embracing our imperfections and finding strength within them. It’s about accepting ourselves as flawed beings capable of growth and connection despite our limitations.
Seeking Understanding Souls
Though rare, there are those souls who look past appearances and seek to understand the person behind the beauty - individuals whose hearts resonate with mine on a deeper level. They lend me their patience as I stumble through conversations, giving me space to express myself at my own pace without judgment or expectation.
In their presence, my silence transforms into tranquility; no longer do words become chains binding me but rather bridges connecting us together.
A Glimpse of Freedom
Through these moments of true connection lie glimpses into freedom – fleeting instances where I feel liberated from societal pressures and expectations. It’s here that I dare to let go of insecurities plaguing every inch until only essence shines forth unburdened by fear-- pure authenticity unveiled before eyes seeking more than mere appearance alone could ever offer up willingly enough even if begged upon bended knee pleading silently forevermore...
Conclusion: Finding My Voice Amidst Admiration
As Shoko Komi continues her journey through life's twists and turns, she learns to navigate the delicate balance between admiration and finding her voice - a voice that is uniquely hers, a voice waiting patiently to be heard and understood.
In this journal entry, she has shared her struggles, hopes, and dreams, and through it all, she remains determined to break free from the suffocating grip of expectations and find solace within herself. For in embracing her imperfections and seeking genuine connections, Shoko Komi will discover a world where beauty goes beyond appearances - a world where her voice can finally be set free.