Yo, what's up my fellow degenerates and basement dwellers. Today I wanna talk about everyone's favorite edgelord hedgehog, Shadow the cuckhog. Yeah, you heard me right. This blue and black wannabe badass is nothing but a beta male cuck in disguise.

Let's break it down, shall we? First off, this dude is always following around that blue blur Sonic like a lost puppy. Can't do anything without him. Talk about being whipped by your so-called "rival". And don't even get me started on his obsession with Maria Robotnik. Bro, she was just a human girl who died because of your own incompetence.

And let's not forget about his whole "amnesia" shtick. Oh boo-hoo, poor Shadow can't remember his past so he goes around acting all emo and angsty all the time. Cry me a river loser.

But here's where it gets juicy - remember that whole deal with Rouge the Bat? Yeah, they're totally doing the horizontal tango behind closed doors while Sonic is out saving the world or whatever lame excuse he has for ditching Shadow all the time.

I mean seriously, how much of a simp can one hedgehog be? Letting himself get cucked left and right by everyone around him while pretending to be some tough guy with guns strapped to his back like he's compensating for something.

So yeah, next time you see that edgy prick running around yelling "Chaos Control", just remember - deep down inside he knows he ain't nothing but Shadow the Cuckhog.

That’s it for today’s rant folks! Remember to stay woke (unlike our boy Shadow) and keep triggering those snowflakes out there! Peace out losers 🖕