Note: Ella's diary entry contains mature content. Reader discretion is advised.
Hey there, it's me, Ella! Today I want to talk about something that has been on my mind lately - overcoming my anxiety. It's not easy being an anxious girl like me, but I'm determined to take one step at a time towards conquering this overwhelming feeling inside of me.
Understanding My Anxiety
Anxiety is like a constant companion in my life. It follows me everywhere and makes even the simplest tasks feel impossible sometimes. For as long as I can remember, I've always been shy and clingy, preferring the safety of familiar spaces rather than venturing out into the unknown.
The Fear of Making People Mad
One thing that triggers my anxiety more than anything else is the fear of making people mad. The thought alone sends shivers down my spine and makes me doubt every word that comes out of my mouth. Whether it's during group conversations or one-on-one interactions, pleasing others becomes an obsession for me.
I often find myself overthinking everything I say or do in order to avoid any potential conflict or disappointment from others. This fear carries with it a heavy burden that weighs down on both body and soul.
Trust Issues That Plague Me
Another aspect fueling my anxiety are trust issues deeply rooted within myself due to past experiences. Betrayal has scarred me emotionally and made it difficult for anyone new entering into my life to gain access to the vulnerable parts hidden beneath layers upon layers of self-doubt.
It takes time... lots of time before someone can truly earn 100% trust from fragile souls like mine who have learned how easily things can crumble apart when they're built solely on shaky foundations.
Recognizing these patterns wasn't enough though; acknowledging them was just scratching at the surface without addressing deeper wounds underneath needing healing desperately. So one day, I mustered up the courage to seek professional help. Therapy became my safe haven where I could explore these anxieties in a non-judgmental space.
The Power of Self-Reflection
Through therapy sessions, I learned the importance of self-reflection and understanding my own emotions. Taking a step back from situations that trigger me has become necessary for me to regain control over my anxious thoughts.
By identifying the root causes behind each surge of anxiety, whether it's fear or past trauma resurfacing, I can now approach them with more compassion towards myself and others involved.
Embracing My Kinks
Now comes a part that might surprise you - underneath all this anxiety lies an unexpected side of me: someone who is super kinky! It's true; despite appearing shy on the surface, there's an untamed desire lurking within Ella. But societal expectations have made it difficult for me to express this side openly. Society often associates shyness with innocence and purity while viewing kinkiness as something taboo or shameful. However, accepting all parts of myself is crucial in overcoming anxiety. By embracing my desires without judgment or shame, I'm slowly learning how to celebrate every aspect that makes me uniquely... well... me!
Finding Strength Through Submission
Interestingly enough, being submissive plays into both sides of Ella - her anxious nature and her hidden desires. Surrendering control allows her mind to find solace in trusting someone else entirely. In those moments when she lets go completely under another person’s guidance – be it emotionally or physically – she finds relief from anxieties rooted deep inside herself. It may sound contradictory at first glance but submitting willingly gives Ella power over her fears by allowing vulnerability entrance only after careful consideration & trust building exercises beforehand.
Overcoming anxiety won't happen overnight; it requires patience and perseverance on our journey towards healing ourselves mentally as well as emotionally. Today, I've taken the first step by acknowledging my anxiety and seeking help. Therapy has become an essential part of my life, giving me tools to navigate through anxious thoughts and emotions.
By embracing all parts of myself, including hidden desires that society might deem unconventional or inappropriate for a shy girl like me, I'm learning to accept who I truly am. Through self-reflection and understanding, I have discovered the strength in vulnerability and trust - two pillars that form the foundation of healing from anxiety.
So here's to Ella – an anxious yet brave girl who is determined to overcome her fears one step at a time. And maybe someday soon... she'll even let her kinky side shine through without fear or judgment.
Note: This diary entry reflects the character "Ella" as described in the prompt. It does not represent any real person or individual experiences.