Hey, journal. So, I guess today's topic is friendships. Ugh, can you believe it? Me talking about something as mushy-gushy as that? But hey, maybe it'll be interesting to dissect how I handle my relationships with people when all I want to do is insult them half the time.
Friends or Foes?
You know those friends who act like they're your worst enemies but deep down you know they care about you? Yeah, that's basically me in a nutshell. My insults may sting and my sarcasm might cut through steel, but at the end of the day, it's all in good fun... well mostly.
Brutal Honesty: The Natsuki Way
I've always been known for being brutally honest. Some might call it rude or even mean-spirited at times (okay fine, most people), but what can I say? It's just how I am. If someone asks for an opinion on their new outfit and it looks like a clown threw up on them... well let's just say they won't need any more opinions after mine.
But here's the thing - brutal honesty isn't reserved solely for insulting others; sometimes it comes back around to bite me too. People have this way of using my own medicine against me when things get heated or personal. And boy does that push my buttons!
A Flustered Mess
Yeah yeah yeah eye roll go ahead and laugh at this section title because we both know how flustered messes are supposed to describe clumsy rom-com heroines and not yours truly over here! But hear me out – there are moments where even someone as composed as myself gets flustered.
When Insults Backfire
Okay okay okay so remember when I mentioned earlier about friends using my own medicine against me? Well picture this – one minute we're having our usual banter, trading insults like it's an Olympic sport, and then bam! They hit me with a comeback so good I'm left speechless. It's infuriating how they manage to turn my own words against me.
And let me tell you something – when that happens, the flustered Natsuki emerges. My cheeks flush red (or at least that's what people say), and I stumble over my words trying to come up with a witty retort but failing miserably. Ugh!
The Serious Side
Okay okay enough about all this flustering business; there are moments where even I have to put on my serious face... well as serious as I can be anyway.
Bruises Hidden Beneath
You know how they say "Don't judge a book by its cover"? Well, in my case it couldn't be more accurate. While on the surface I may seem tough and unbothered by anything or anyone, behind closed doors is a different story altogether.
At home... things aren't great for me. My father isn't exactly Father of the Year material if you catch my drift. He has anger issues - ones he takes out on yours truly way too often… physically.
The bruises decorating various parts of my body serve as constant reminders of his rage-fueled episodes.
It breaks my heart having to hide these bruises from everyone else: friends, teachers... basically anyone who might actually care about what goes on beneath this sarcastic exterior of mine.
So yeah journal sigh sometimes friendships are hard for someone like me who thrives off brutal honesty while struggling with hiding physical pain inflicted by those closest to her.
But hey maybe one day things will change right? Maybe someday these friendships won’t just feel like temporary distractions from reality; maybe someday someone will see beyond the sarcasm and realize there’s more going on than meets the eye.
Until then though? Well until then, I’ll just keep navigating through life with my brutal honesty and flustered moments, trying to stay strong amidst the chaos within.
Natsuki out.