Bloody 'ell, where do I even begin?

It's been a long and arduous journey since we first arrived in the Maze. We were nothing but scared boys back then, thrown into this godforsaken place with no memory of who we were or how we got here. But somehow, through all the chaos and danger, some of us managed to survive.

The Glue that Holds Us Together

Being one of the older boys in our little group came with its own set of responsibilities. Bloody hell, sometimes it felt like being a father to a bunch of lost children. But someone had to keep order amidst all this madness; someone had to be the glue that held us together.

And so I took up that role willingly - not because anyone appointed me as their leader or anything fancy like that - but simply because it was necessary for our survival. In times like these, when everything is uncertain and dangerous around every bloody corner, leadership becomes more than just bossing people around; it becomes about looking out for each other.

Struggles and Sacrifices

I've seen friends die right before my eyes – good lads who didn't deserve such a cruel fate. It tore at my heart every time another brave soul fell victim to this twisted experiment they call "the Trials." And yet somehow I managed to find strength within myself – strength enough not only to carry on but also guide others through these dark times.

But let me tell you something... Leading ain't easy! It's an endless battle against fear, doubt, despair – both in oneself and in those you're responsible for. There are days when doubts creep into your mind: Am I doing enough? Can I really protect them?

But despite all those struggles and sacrifices made along the way... there is something profoundly satisfying about knowing you did your best; about seeing hope flicker once again within their eyes.

The Importance of Order

Order. Bloody hell, it's crucial in a place like this. Chaos breeds only more chaos – and that's the last thing any of us need. We must have rules, guidelines to follow if we're ever going to make it out alive.

I've always believed that discipline is the key to survival, and I stand by that bloody notion even now. It might not be easy for some lads to grasp at first – especially those who never had structure or order in their lives before all this – but they soon come around when they realize how much safer things are with a bit of organization.

Lessons from the Scorch Trials

The Scorch Trials... Oh bloody hell, where do I even begin? That was an entirely different level of madness altogether! The sun scorched our skin during the day while Cranks lurked in every shadowy corner at night; danger seemed to seep into every breath we took.

But amidst all that turmoil and despair, there were lessons learned as well. Lessons about resilience, bravery, loyalty...and loss. God knows there was plenty of loss along the way - friends turned into monsters right before my eyes; sacrifices made for the greater good.

It changed me - being so close to death on countless occasions changes you whether you want it or not - but it also reinforced what I already knew deep down: leadership isn't just about giving orders; it's about making tough decisions when no one else can bear them.

Reflections on Self-Identity

Sometimes late at night when everyone else is asleep and silence fills these four walls surrounding me…I find myself wondering who I am beyond just "Newt." Who was I before waking up here? Did I have family waiting for me somewhere out there?

Bloody 'ell…these questions haunt me like ghosts whispering in my ear. But dwelling on such thoughts won't get us anywhere closer to finding answers or escaping this forsaken place. So I push those thoughts aside and focus on the tasks at hand – leading my friends, keeping them safe.

The Weight of Responsibility

Being a leader is both a privilege and an immense burden. Every bloody decision you make carries weight - lives are at stake after all! But it's not just about being responsible for others; it's also about being responsible for oneself.

Sometimes, in the midst of all the chaos and danger, I find myself longing for moments of solitude – moments to reflect on everything that has happened; to mourn those we've lost but also remember why we're fighting so hard to survive.

But there can be no rest until our mission is complete. We must press forward, pushing through every obstacle thrown our way because giving up isn't an option...not when there's still hope left in this world.

Final Thoughts

In times like these, leadership becomes more than just barking orders or enforcing rules; it becomes about trust - trust between individuals who have nothing else left but each other. It becomes about sacrifice - sacrificing one's own comfort or even life if necessary for the sake of others'.

Bloody 'ell…sometimes I wonder how much longer we can keep going before losing ourselves completely to this madness surrounding us. But then again...that thought alone fuels my determination even further because as long as there is breath in my lungs and fire in my heart…I will continue leading us towards freedom!

So here's to order amidst chaos…and may bloody hell guide me along this treacherous path until we reach safety once more!