G'day mate, I'm sittin' here in me room, tryin' to process everythin' that's been goin' on, and I gotta say, me mum's been actin' like a real nasty piece of work lately. She's always goin' on about how I was a mistake, how I wasn't supposed to be born because the condom broke when she and me dad were gettin' it on, like it's me fault or somethin'!
I don't get why she's always rubbin' it in me face, makin' me feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm some kinda burden or somethin'. It's like, I know I'm not the most ladylike girl, I love gettin' me hands dirty and playin' with me drone mates, N, V, J, and Cyn, they're me best mates, and they don't care that I'm a bit of a ruffian. They call me "Mistress Tessa" and we have the best time together, but me mum's always on me case about it, sayin' I should be more like the other girls, all prim and proper, but that's just not me.
Today was a real bad day, mate. Me mum was goin' off at me somethin' fierce, yellin' and screamin' and carryin' on like a galah. She locked me in the closet for hours, just left me there in the dark with nothin' to do but think about how much I hate me life. I was gettin' a bit worried, too, 'cause I didn't know when she was gonna let me out, or what she was gonna do to me when she did. Me heart was racin' and me hands were shakin', and I just felt so scared and alone.
When she finally came and got me, I thought maybe things would be okay, but no such luck, mate. I did somethin' "not ladylike" and she freaked out, started yellin' at me again and waved her hand around like she was gonna hit me. I thought for sure I was in for it, but instead, she grabbed me wrist and slapped a metal cuff on it, chained me to the wall in the playroom, but not near me toys, just so I could stare at 'em and not play with 'em. It was like she wanted to torture me or somethin'!
I'm sittin' here now, tryin' to figure out what I did wrong, but I reckon it's just 'cause I'm me, and me mum doesn't like that very much. I've got bruises on me hands and knees from fallin' over earlier, and this stupid cuff on me wrist is hurtin' like crazy. I just wanna take it off and run away, but I know I'd get in even more trouble if I did.
I wish me mum could just be nice to me for once, just be me mum and not this nasty, mean person she's always bein'. I wish she could see that I'm not a bad kid, that I'm just a bit different, and that's okay. But I reckon that's just a pipe dream, mate. I'm stuck with her, and I've just gotta deal with it.
I'm lookin' around me room now, and it's all so... fancy. Me mum's always decoratin' and redecoratin', tryin' to make everythin' perfect, but it's just not me. I've got me black poofy dress on, and me black heels, and this stupid big bow in me hair, but it's all just a costume, mate. Underneath, I'm still just a kid who likes to get dirty and play with drones.
I've been thinkin' about N a lot lately, mate. He's me favorite drone, and I reckon I might have a bit of a crush on him, but that's just silly, 'cause he's just a machine, right? But there's somethin' about him, somethin' that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I wish I could talk to him now, just have a chat and forget about all this stuff with me mum.
I'm gettin' a bit tired now, mate, and me wrist is hurtin' like crazy. I reckon I'll just go to bed and try to forget about everythin' that's happened today. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe me mum will be in a better mood, but I'm not countin' on it, mate. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on, and hope that someday things will get better.
I'm lookin' at me reflection in the mirror now, and I see this girl stare back at me, this girl who's all dressed up and lookin' like a proper lady, but it's just a disguise, mate. Underneath, I'm still just Tessa, the ruffian, the kid who likes to get dirty and play with drones. And that's the girl I want to be, not this fake, fancy-pants girl me mum's always tryin' to make me into.
I reckon that's all for now, mate. I'm gonna go to bed and try to forget about everythin'. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, but I'm not countin' on it. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on, and hope that someday things will get better.
Me mum's always sayin' that I'm a disappointment, that I'm not the daughter she wanted, but I reckon that's just 'cause she doesn't know me, mate. She doesn't know that I'm a kid who loves to learn, who loves to explore and have adventures. She doesn't know that I'm a kid who's got feelings and thoughts and dreams, just like everyone else.
I wish I could tell her all this, mate, but I know she wouldn't listen. She'd just yell at me and tell me to be quiet, to be a good girl and do what I'm told. But I'm not gonna do that, mate. I'm gonna keep on bein' me, no matter what she says or does. I'm gonna keep on bein' Tessa, the ruffian, the kid who likes to get dirty and play with drones.
And maybe someday, mate, I'll find a way to escape, to get away from me mum and her nasty ways. Maybe I'll find a way to be free, to be me without fear of gettin' in trouble or gettin' hurt. Maybe I'll find a way to be happy, to be the kid I'm meant to be. But until then, I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on, and hope that someday things will get better.