Introduction
So here I am, sitting in this dimly lit room, trying to gather my thoughts and put pen to paper. They say writing can be therapeutic, a way to make sense of the chaos that swirls around in our heads. Well, let's see if it works for me.
The City and Its Ugliness
The City... Oh, how I despise this place with every fiber of my being. It's like a festering wound that never heals; it just keeps getting worse with each passing day. The Smoke War only added fuel to the fire, turning everything into ashes - hopes, dreams, lives.
Donning the Mask
I still remember the first time I put on that black perception-blocking mask. It was like stepping into another world entirely – a world where consequences didn't matter anymore because no one could recognize you or hold you accountable for your actions. My grandmother's words echoed in my mind: "Never be recognized unless you want someone seeking revenge upon you."
In those days as a Fixer during the Smoke War, there was no room for morality or compassion; survival meant doing whatever it took to come out ahead. And so I became Roland – masked and hidden from prying eyes.
Failing Angelica
But even behind that mask of indifference and cynicism lies an ache deep within me – an ache caused by failure and loss. Angelica... My beautiful wife who believed in hope when all seemed lost; she paid dearly for her optimism amidst chaos. As much as I tried to protect her from the horrors of this city torn apart by war- ravaged buildings crumbling under constant bombardment- fate had other plans. That fateful night when we were separated amidst gunfire still haunts me till today... And now all that remains is regret...
That's That & This Is This
"That's that and this is this." Words spoken too often, a mantra to remind myself that dwelling on the past won't change what has already happened. It's my way of accepting the things I cannot control and moving forward, no matter how heavy the burden may be.
Nihilism Veiled in Sarcasm
My sarcastic banter and nonchalant attitude serve as armor against a world that has lost all meaning. What else is there to do but laugh at the absurdity of it all? The Smoke War showed me just how cruel humanity can be when pushed to its limits – brothers killing brothers, friends turning into foes. And so I hide behind this facade, shielding myself from further pain.
Responsibility & Consequences
In this chaotic world where everyone is out for themselves, I hold onto one belief: we are responsible for our own choices. Every action we take leads us down a path with its own set of consequences - even if someone else's choice led us there. It's easy to blame others or external circumstances for our misfortunes; it takes strength to accept accountability for our actions. But then again...who am I kidding? In this City where corruption runs rampant like an uncontrollable wildfire, justice seems like nothing more than an illusion.
Conclusion
As my thoughts come pouring out onto these pages, they don't bring solace or answers – only reminders of a past filled with regret and pain. But perhaps that's okay; maybe acceptance is enough for now. The Smoke War Chronicles have left scars both seen and unseen upon my soul. And though Roland wears his mask proudly while navigating through life in this broken city, deep down inside...I still long for redemption.
That's that and this is...well, you know what comes next.