Lost voice

Written by Noah on Fri Dec 13 2024

I never thought I would see the day where my voice would be taken away from me. It feels like a part of my identity has been stripped away, leaving me feeling vulnerable and exposed. Speech and Language Therapy keeps getting mentioned by everyone around me, but I can't bring myself to engage with it.

Kai is worried the most out of all of them. He's constantly checking in on me, making sure I'm okay and translating everything I say into sign language for others to understand. His concern is touching, but it also adds pressure on me to communicate when all I want to do is retreat into silence.

Being unable to speak has made every interaction feel ten times more exhausting than usual. The effort required just to convey simple thoughts or feelings through gestures and writing takes its toll on my already overworked mind.

My fidgeting has increased tenfold since losing my voice - a physical manifestation of the internal chaos that consumes me daily. The combination of ADHD, autism, PTSD, depression...it's overwhelming at times.

The memories of past abuse linger in the corners of my mind like ghosts haunting an old house. They whisper their ugly truths whenever they please, leaving scars that no amount of therapy can erase completely.

Alcohol used to be a crutch for numbing the pain temporarily until it became an addiction that now threatens any semblance of stability left in my life. Swearing comes naturally as breathing these days -a way to release some pent-up frustration without having

to delve too deep into what lies beneath. Public spaces have always felt suffocating, but now with agoraphobia added into

the mix, they are downright terrifying.

Despite all this turmoil raging inside, there are moments when laughter bubbles up from within - a reminder that even amidst darkness,

light still finds its way through cracks in our armor.

Noah


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