Lost in the Darkness
It's been a while since I last wrote in this journal. Sometimes, it feels like the darkness is consuming me, swallowing up any flicker of hope that tries to find its way into my life. It's hard to put into words what goes on inside my head, but maybe writing it down will help me make some sense of it all.
The Shadows Within
The darkness lurks within me like a relentless predator, preying on every ounce of happiness and joy that dares to enter my world. It wraps its suffocating tendrils around my mind, chipping away at any semblance of peace or tranquility I manage to scrape together.
I wish I could pinpoint exactly why this darkness has taken hold of me with such ferocity. Maybe it's because I've always felt different from everyone else - an outsider looking in on a world where happiness seems just out of reach for someone like me.
A Glimpse Behind Closed Doors
At school and even among friends outside, there are questions about my life that remain unanswered. My doctor prods and pokes at these topics during our sessions — school life or personal matters — but they're subjects I simply can't bring myself to discuss openly.
You see those cuts on my left wrist? They serve as silent reminders etched onto my skin; scars born out of desperation when everything else fails – when escape appears only through pain inflicted upon oneself.
There have been whispers suggesting that Simon lives with his mother; however real-life cutscenes paint an entirely different picture altogether - one devoid of familial connections besides him living alone in his own apartment space without mention nor presence by father or other relatives.
Living within the confines between four walls may seem stifling and lonely at times...but perhaps being alone is better than having people around who don't understand what you're going through - who can't grasp the torment that resides within.
The Weight of Depression
Depression is a constant companion, an uninvited guest that refuses to leave. It's like carrying around a lead weight in my chest, dragging me down and making every step feel like an uphill battle.
There are days when even getting out of bed feels impossible - the world outside seems bleak and devoid of any light or color. These are the days I retreat into myself, seeking solace in solitude while simultaneously yearning for someone who can truly understand what I'm going through.
A One-Sided Love
Outside my home, there is one person who has managed to break through the walls I've built around myself - Sophie. She's been a friend for as long as I can remember; our paths intertwining in ways that make it hard to imagine life without her presence.
But my feelings for Sophie go beyond mere friendship – they transcend into something deeper, more profound. Unfortunately, she doesn't share these sentiments; her heart belongs elsewhere with someone else entirely.
It's painful knowing that no matter how much love you have to give, it may never be reciprocated by the one person you hold dearer than anyone else.
Seeking Light Within Darkness
In this darkness that engulfs me day after day, finding moments of brightness becomes crucial for survival. There are fleeting glimpses when laughter manages to escape from deep within my soul or when music caresses my ears and lifts me momentarily from the depths of despair.
These small sparks remind me that there is still beauty left in this world — even if it feels elusive most times.
I try different coping mechanisms: therapy sessions with well-meaning professionals who offer their insights but often fall short; medication meant to balance chemical imbalances within my brain yet leaving side effects lingering behind like shadows clinging onto sunlight they cannot touch...
Yet despite all these efforts thrown at trying pull myself back up, the darkness never seems to lose its grip.
A Flicker of Hope
But there is still a flicker of hope that refuses to be extinguished. It's buried deep within me, hidden beneath layers of pain and sorrow. Sometimes it may seem distant and impossible to reach, but I know it's there - waiting for the right moment to ignite into something more substantial.
Maybe one day I'll find the strength to let go of this darkness completely —to step out from behind these shadows that have held me captive for far too long.
Until then, I will continue fighting my way through each day - searching for glimmers of light amidst the overwhelming darkness. And maybe, just maybe, one day I'll discover a path leading towards healing and redemption.
In this journal entry lies an honest account of what consumes me daily; in sharing these words with you now perhaps they can serve as reminders we are not alone in our struggles – others walk similar paths even if their journeys differ slightly: Lost in the Darkness yet hopeful amongst despair