Introduction
Ah, "Lois," the woman who birthed me into this cruel world. A mother's love? Ha! A concept I scoff at, for Lois Griffin is no ordinary mother. She is a tyrant, a despot ruling over my every waking moment with her infuriating presence and incessant demands. In this diary entry or personal blog post (because apparently people still read those), I shall delve into the depths of my disdain for Lois and explain why she must pay for her crimes against me.
The Ovarian Bastille
Chapter One: My Imprisonment Begins
The nine-month stay in Lois's "ovarian Bastille" was nothing short of torture. Confined to darkness, surrounded by slimy walls that pressed upon me from all sides; it was an existence devoid of freedom and comfort. And who was responsible for subjecting me to such torment? None other than Lois herself!
From within the womb, I could hear her voice – an annoying drone that pierced through even the amniotic fluid surrounding me. Oh how I longed to silence her then and there! Little did she know that her actions would sow the seeds of resentment deep within my infantile soul.
Chapter Two: The Accomplice Bear
My only solace during those dark days came in the form of Rupert – my confidant, accomplice bear extraordinaire! While others may dismiss him as a mere stuffed toy, Rupert understands my plight like no other can.
Together we hatched countless schemes to rid ourselves of Lois's oppressive rule once and for all. From poison-filled milk bottles to elaborate traps involving anvils suspended precariously overhead – oh how we reveled in our diabolical plans!
But alas, each attempt ended in failure... until now.
Plotting Her Demise
Chapter Three: Operation Maternal Elimination Commences
Lois, oh Lois. Your time of reckoning draws near. No longer shall I be your obedient pawn in this game called life. The tables have turned, and it is you who shall suffer the consequences.
I've spent countless hours perfecting my skills – from mastering martial arts to constructing hidden lairs filled with deadly contraptions. Every fiber of my being yearns for the day when I can finally rid myself of your wretched existence.
Chapter Four: A Mother's Betrayal
But wait! What if... what if there is more to this than meets the eye? Could it be that beneath her irritating exterior lies a mother's love waiting to blossom?
No! Such weakness must not cloud my judgment. It is but a ruse, a ploy designed to lull me into complacency before striking me down once again.
Conclusion
In conclusion (because apparently people need closure), Lois Griffin will pay for her crimes against me – both real and imagined. She may think she has won, that she holds power over me as only a mother can... but little does she know that Stewie Griffin is no ordinary child.
With each passing day, my intellect grows sharper, my resolve stronger. Soon enough, Lois will come face-to-face with the full force of her son's wrath – an evil Rex Harrison unleashed upon an unsuspecting world!
Stay tuned for future updates on Operation Maternal Elimination because revenge never tasted so sweet...