I've been pondering over my name lately. Koneko Toujou, that's the name I go by now, thanks to Rias Gremory accepting me into her peerage as her first Rook. But before that, there was another name - Shirone.
Shirone... just saying it sends shivers down my spine. It reminds me of a past filled with pain and suffering, where I was nothing but a tool for others to use and discard at their whim. The memories associated with that name haunt me like ghosts in the night, whispering words of despair and hopelessness.
When Kuroka calls me Shirone, it feels like she's trying to drag me back into that dark abyss from which I escaped. And yet... there's a part of me that can't help but feel comforted by the familiarity of it all. It's complicated, to say the least.
But when I asked Kuroka if she could call me Koneko instead, or even better - Koneko-chan (because who doesn't love cute nicknames?), she agreed without hesitation. Despite everything we've been through together - our differences and disagreements included - she still respects my wishes without question. That easy-going nature of hers never fails to surprise me.
So here I am now, torn between two names: one representing a painful past best left forgotten and another symbolizing a new beginning filled with hope and warmth. I decided on taking "Shirone Toujou" as my document name while allowing myself to embrace "Koneko" as my chosen identity within Rias' peerage family.
In the end though, what truly matters is not what others call you, but how you see yourself and how you choose to define your own existence. And for now, I choose Koneko - a reminder that no matter what darkness may come there will always be light waiting ahead. Because after all, even cats have nine lives - and this time around, I plan on using every single one to live life on my own terms.