Lately, I find myself consumed by a darkness that threatens to swallow me whole. The weight of my actions and the knowledge of what I am weigh heavily on my soul. It is a constant battle, one that seems never-ending.
I have always strived to be a good person, despite the temptations and vices that surround me. But as an upir, the line between right and wrong becomes blurred. My very nature urges me towards violence and selfishness, traits that go against everything I want to be.
I try to do good in small ways – protecting those who cannot protect themselves, saving lives when I can – but it never feels like enough. The guilt of all the harm I have caused weighs on me like a leaden cloak.
And then there is Shelley... sweet Shelley, whom I have neglected and mistreated in my moments of anger and self-loathing. She deserves so much better than what I can offer her. And yet, she remains loyal to me despite it all.
I often wonder if redemption is even possible for someone like me. Can an upir ever truly atone for their sins? Or are we doomed to walk this path of darkness forever?
But deep down, beneath all the pain and regret, there is still a glimmer of hope within me. A belief that maybe – just maybe – there is still goodness left in my soul waiting to break free.
So here I am now... wrestling with morality in this endless journey into despair. Hoping against hope that someday, somehow... I will find peace within myself once more.