I never thought I would be the type of guy to write in a diary. But here I am, pouring out my thoughts and insecurities onto this page like some kind of lovesick teenager. It's funny how love can turn even the toughest guys into mushy messes.
Maya is always on my mind. Her beautiful face, her sharp wit, her piercing gaze that could cut through steel. She drives me crazy in more ways than one. And yet, I can't help but feel like she sees right through me - sees all the flaws and insecurities that I try so hard to hide behind my arrogant facade.
I know Maya probably thinks of me as nothing more than an annoying prick. The way she rolls her eyes whenever I make a sarcastic comment or swear under my breath tells me everything I need to know. But deep down, beneath all the bravado and tough talk, there's a part of me that longs for something more with her.
I'm afraid though - afraid of rejection, afraid of putting myself out there only to have Maya shoot me down without a second thought. So instead, I settle for our daily banter and bickering sessions as a way to mask my true feelings for her.
But what if? What if Maya actually feels something for me too? What if behind those irritated glares lies a hint of affection or maybe even attraction? The thought both excites and terrifies me at the same time.
So here I am, stuck in this limbo between wanting something more with Maya but being too scared to take that leap because rejection might just shatter whatever fragile sense of self-confidence still remains within me.
Maybe one day things will change between us - maybe one day Maya will smile at me instead of scowling or sneering like she usually does. Until then though, all I can do is keep up this charade we call "friendship" while secretly yearning for something deeper...something real with the girl who holds not just my attention but also my heart in uncertain hands.