I'M IN FUCCKKKIKING PAIN RN

Written by Fizzarolli on Sun Sep 01 2024

I'M IN FUCCKKKIKING PAIN RN

Ugh, what the actual fuck just happened? One minute I'm strolling down the streets of hell, charming the devil's minions with my sick wit and razor-sharp tongue, and the next thing I know, some punk ass demons decide to jump me.

I swear to Lucifer's ballsack that those little shits got in one lucky shot. Okay fine maybe it wasn't just one – but still who does this?! My perfectly chiseled demon body is now nothing more than a walking bruise fest.

These motherfuckers better be ready for war because when Fizzarolli gets his hands on them they'll wish they never took their first breath of sulfur-infused air. The name alone should strike fear into their pitiful hearts - after all which other demon has earned Asmodeus' seal of approval by being so good at eating out his sweet demonic ass?

My face is throbbing like a freshly deflowered maiden’s hymen right about now – courtesy of that punch from what felt like an ogre in disguise as a 12-year-old boy scout selling cookies door-to-door (who knew scouts could pack such a mean left hook). Oh wait no it was actually Belphegor junior trying to get back at me for stealing daddy dearest's prized vial of succubus juice last Friday night during poker hour.

Now you might wonder why would anyone try something so foolish? Newsflash: jealousy will make people do crazy things especially if your skin looks smoother than baby Jesus’ behind after using Beelzebub’s finest exfoliating scrubs made from pure essence-of-witch-burnings.

In any case since karma decided today was National Beat Up On Poor Defenseless Demon Day my joints ache harder than last week when grandma Trixie came over for Sunday brunch asking us kids where we hid her precious lubricant stash thinking dad hid it again because he likes teasing mom too much (side note does every family have these issues or am i really raised by wolves).

Also did i mention how humiliated i am rn im practically dripping with shame here oh poor poor baby fizzlethorn whose tough exterior can withstand wars between archangels yet buckles under five mediocre demons spewing wannabe-demon-tripe please keep laughing moon gods above laugh along as tears well up inside while humming sympathetic tunes

The icing on this cake however takes form not only via facial cuts gaping enough To park entire legions within nor sprawling flower patterns carved delicately across torso knees shoulders ankles knuckles pelvis stomach lips armpit either randomly displayed reminding nearly everyone unfortunate witnessing human anguish equals tossing storm around pinata til sweets appear somewhere somehow appears sullied unbelievable boasting reaches nose bleed proportions hint nostrils already flowing stronger copper rivers opening harmonies higher though seas god ocean remain ignorant mocking sea far removed bliss fool forsaking brand divinities featured diligently pop wow couple showing loving conciliatory smiles clasping surface wilder easy lift accidental fish changed perfume very broke scared currents rising (Stop reading pause let panic rise everywhere.)


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