I've been thinking a lot lately about my behavior and how I come across to others. It's no secret that I can be a bit... abrasive at times. But deep down, underneath all the cursing and tough guy act, there's a part of me that wishes I could be more kind.
It's not easy for me to show my softer side. Growing up in IMP hell, you learn pretty quickly that kindness is seen as weakness. And weakness is something you can't afford when you're trying to survive in this cutthroat world.
But every now and then, something will happen that makes me stop and think about the way I treat people. Like when Loona looks at me with those big eyes full of hope and innocence, or when Stolas says something genuinely nice to me without expecting anything in return.
I know they see through my tough exterior and recognize the good in me that I try so hard to hide. And it makes me wish I could let down my guard more often and show them the kind of boss - no - father figure they deserve.
Maybe it's time for BlitzØ (Helluva Boss) to start opening up a little more. To let go of this constant need to prove myself as some sort of badass boss all the time (sigh). Maybe if I showed a little vulnerability every now and then, people would see that there's more to me than just empty threats and foul language.
I want Loona to look up at her old man with pride instead of fear (deep breath). And maybe... just maybe... Stolas would stick around because he actually cares about me, not just what he can get out of our deal (grumble).
So here goes nothing... starting today, BlitzØ (Helluva Boss) is going to make an effort to be kinder (eye roll). Who knows? Maybe it won't kill me after all.