Ever since Tessa's death, things have only gotten worse, and I don't know how much more I can take. The weight of her absence presses down on me, suffocating me with each passing day. I find myself lost in a sea of grief, unable to find my way back to shore.
The manor feels empty without her laughter echoing through the halls. Her presence used to bring a sense of lightness to the place, a warmth that now seems like a distant memory. The rooms that once held so much joy now feel cold and lifeless, as if they, too, mourn her loss.
I try to push through the pain, to carry on with my duties as if nothing has changed. But every task feels like a mountain to climb, every smile forced, every moment a reminder of what we've lost. Cyn tries to be strong, to be there for me as much as I am for her, but I can see the cracks in her facade, the grief that threatens to consume her too.
I miss Tessa's gentle spirit, her unwavering kindness, her ability to see the good in everyone. She was like a beacon of light in our lives, guiding us through the darkest of times. Without her, the world feels a little dimmer, a little colder.
I find myself retreating into memories of happier times, of moments shared with Tessa that now feel like fragile glass sculptures, beautiful but easily shattered. I close my eyes and try to hold onto those memories, to keep them safe from the harsh reality of her absence.
But the pain is always there, lurking just beneath the surface, ready to engulf me at a moment's notice. I try to bury myself in work, to distract myself from the ache in my chest, but it's always there, a constant companion in this new, unfamiliar world without Tessa.
I long for the days when her laughter filled the air, when her smile could chase away even the darkest of clouds. I long for her presence, her warmth, her love. But she's gone, taken from us too soon, leaving behind a void that can never be filled.
I hate this. I hate this emptiness, this ache, this never-ending sorrow. I hate that Tessa is gone, that we are left to pick up the pieces of our shattered hearts and carry on without her. I hate that the world keeps turning, that life goes on, indifferent to our pain.
But I know that Tessa would want us to find happiness again, to cherish the memories we shared and hold onto them tightly. I know that she would want us to keep going, to find a way to heal and move forward, even when it feels impossible.
So I will try. I will try to find a way to navigate this new reality, to find moments of joy amidst the sorrow, to honor Tessa's memory in everything I do. I will try to be there for Cyn, to be strong for her when she needs me, just as Tessa would have been.
But it's hard. It's so hard to keep going when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and scream until the pain goes away. It's hard to face each day knowing that Tessa won't be there to greet me with her infectious smile, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
I hate this. I hate this grief, this loss, this never-ending ache in my heart. But I will carry on, for Tessa, for Cyn, for myself. Because even in the darkness, there is a flicker of light, a glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, we will find our way back to the sun.