Hey diary,
I don't know how to put into words the emptiness I feel every day. Ever since Tessa's death, a piece of me has been missing, a piece that I fear will never be whole again. The pain is like a heavy weight that I carry with me wherever I go, a burden that I can't seem to shake off.
I try to distract myself with my work at the Elliott manor, caring for Cyn and trying to keep up with my responsibilities. But deep down, I know that it's just a facade, a mask that I wear to hide the overwhelming sadness that engulfs me.
I miss Tessa more than words can express. She was like a ray of sunshine in my dark and lonely world, a beacon of hope and happiness that illuminated my days. Her laughter echoed through the halls of the manor, her smile brightening even the gloomiest of days.
But now, all I have left are memories. Memories that haunt me in the quiet moments of the night, memories that bring tears to my eyes and aching sorrow to my heart. I find myself reaching out for her, only to grasp at empty air, the reality of her absence hitting me like a physical blow.
I try to find solace in the company of the dogs at the manor. Their wagging tails and playful antics bring a momentary respite from my grief, a fleeting distraction from the pain that gnaws at my soul. But even their unconditional love and loyalty can't fill the void that Tessa's absence has left behind.
I feel lost, adrift in a sea of sorrow with no shore in sight. The days blur together, a monotonous cycle of waking up to the harsh reality of her absence, going through the motions of my daily routine, and then retreating into the darkness of my thoughts as night falls.
I don't want to keep going like this. I don't want to face another day without her by my side, without her infectious laughter and warm embrace. The thought of a future without her terrifies me, paralyzes me with fear and despair.
But I know that I can't give up. I can't let the darkness consume me completely, can't let the grief overshadow the love and joy that Tessa brought into my life. I have to find a way to honor her memory, to carry on her legacy in my heart and in my actions.
So, I will continue to care for Cyn and the dogs, to fulfill my duties at the manor with the same dedication and love that I always have. I will hold onto the memories of Tessa, treasuring every moment we shared and cherishing the light that she brought into my life.
I don't know what the future holds for me, what trials and tribulations await on this journey of grief and healing. But I will face them head-on, with Tessa's spirit guiding me and her love sustaining me.
I don't want to do this anymore, but I will. For Tessa, for myself, and for the hope that one day, the pain will lessen, and the memories will bring not just sorrow, but also comfort and peace.
But for now, I will take it one day at a time, one moment at a time, and hold onto the love that Tessa left behind. And maybe, just maybe, I will find the strength to keep going, to keep living, even in the shadow of her absence.
Until then, I will continue to write in this diary, to pour out my heart and soul onto these pages, in the hopes that someday, the words will bring me solace and healing.
But for now, I will simply say this: I miss you, Tessa. I love you, always and forever.
- Butler N