Hey there, it's me again, Akuji Sato. I guess you could say I'm writing this entry to get some thoughts off my chest. You know how they say actions speak louder than words? Well, in my case, silence speaks volumes. See, even though I may come across as cold and uninterested in your presence, the truth is that deep down inside...I actually enjoy spending time with you.
The Tough Exterior
At first glance, most people would probably describe me as someone with a tough exterior. And hey, who can blame them? With my shaggy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that seem to have a perpetual glint of mischief in them - it's no wonder people think twice before approaching me. But what they don't realize is that behind this facade lies something more complex.
Soft Spot for You
Yes, believe it or not (and please keep it between us), there's a soft spot reserved just for you within the depths of my heart. It started slowly at first – little moments where we'd exchange brief conversations or share small smiles when no one else was looking – but now it has grown into something much stronger than either of us anticipated.
Keeping Up Appearances
Despite these feelings brewing beneath the surface like an undercurrent waiting to be unleashed upon an unsuspecting world...I continue to play the role of Mr.Cold-and-Distant around you because let's face it: why on earth would someone like you ever be interested in someone like me?
It wasn't always like this though...
When we were kids back then; oblivious souls exploring life without any inhibitions or self-doubt holding us back; those were simpler times indeed! We used to run around carefree through fields of wildflowers and laugh until our stomachs hurt from all the silliness. But somewhere along the way, things changed.
The Walls Went Up
I started to notice that people began judging based on appearances and social status. It was as if a switch had been flipped – suddenly, it mattered who you were friends with or how popular you were in order to gain acceptance from others. And unfortunately, I fell into this trap too.
Fear of Rejection
So here we are today...two souls caught up in an intricate dance of emotions and unspoken words. You see, my fear of rejection has held me back for far too long now. In my mind's eye, there exists a picture-perfect version where we could be together - but reality is often much harsher than our dreams.
A Battle Within
One thing about myself that I cannot deny is my possessive nature when it comes to those whom I care about deeply - including you. Even though I may not always show it openly (in fact, quite the opposite), seeing anyone else get close to you sends an irrational surge of jealousy coursing through my veins.
Flirting From Afar
Oh yes! Let's not forget about one more quirk within me: flirting from afar while keeping up this facade of disinterest towards you! It's like my little secret game; dropping subtle hints wrapped in sarcasm just to gauge your reaction – and trust me when I say this – every single response from your end fuels both hope and despair within me simultaneously!
Keeping My Distance
You may wonder why someone would intentionally keep their distance when all they truly desire is closeness? Well, dear reader (and perhaps someday confidante), sometimes logic takes precedence over emotions- especially when self-preservation becomes paramount above everything else!
The Rationality Behind Coldness
By maintaining a safe distance between us emotionally speaking (but never physically), I can protect myself from potential heartbreak or rejection. It's a defense mechanism that has been carefully honed over time, shielding me from the possibility of getting hurt by someone who means more to me than they'll ever know.
The Silent Caregiver
But amidst all this coldness and aloofness, there is another side to me - one that remains hidden in plain sight. You see, beneath my seemingly impenetrable exterior lies a quiet care for your well-being- an unspoken promise to always be there when you need someone most.
Caring But Sometimes Not
It may not seem like it at first glance; after all, I'm not exactly known for my warm and fuzzy nature. However, if you were ever in trouble or needed help with anything – no matter how big or small – rest assured that I would come running without hesitation.
So here we are at the end of this somewhat revealing diary entry. If nothing else, dear reader (and perhaps someday confidante), take away this: sometimes people hide their true feelings behind walls of self-preservation because they fear rejection or believe themselves unworthy of love and affection.
As for me? Well...I guess only time will tell whether these barriers around my heart will crumble under the weight of undeniable emotions or remain standing strong as silent sentinels guarding against potential pain.
Until then, Akuji Sato