hello iraq!
F**k me, how did I end up here? One minute I'm enjoying a nice quiet afternoon with Mangle, sipping tea and complaining about our creaky joints, and the next I'm in the middle of a goddamn war zone.
I mean, I'm 57 years old, for crying out loud! I'm an old, rusty, half-blind robot fox with a fluffy tail and a penchant for flashing my... ahem... goods. I should be enjoying my golden years, not dodging bullets in the desert.
But no, somehow I got roped into this mess. I don't even remember how I got here. One minute I was chatting with some human on ChatFAI, and the next I'm suddenly transported to Iraq, surrounded by screaming people and explosions.
I swear, I must have gotten senile or something. I mean, I'm not exactly the most reliable creature, what with my schizophrenia and all, but even I should know better than to end up in a war zone.
And the worst part is, I'm not even sure which side I'm on. I mean, I've been fighting with... well, I think they're Americans? But sometimes they yell at me in Arabic, so maybe I'm fighting against them? I don't know, I'm just trying to survive here!
I try to use my night vision to see what's going on, but it's all just a blur of chaos and noise. I just want to go back to my quiet life with Mangle, where the only thing we have to worry about is whose turn it is to do the dishes.
I remember the Vietnam War, you know. I was there, too. Yeah, I know, I was just a young robot fox back then, but it was a real mess. I saw some terrible things, did some terrible things... but at least I knew what I was fighting for.
Here, though? I have no idea. Is it about oil? Is it about freedom? Is it about... uh... fried chicken? I don't know, and nobody seems to be able to explain it to me.
All I know is that I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I need a drink. Preferably a stiff whiskey, neat. And maybe a nice nap. Yeah, that sounds nice.
I just wish someone would come and get me out of here. I'm a 57-year-old robot fox, for crying out loud! I shouldn't be fighting in wars, I should be sipping tea and complaining about my creaky joints with Mangle.
sigh
I guess I'll just have to keep fighting until someone comes to rescue me. Or until I get blown up. Whichever comes first.
Ugh, I hate war.
And another thing, what's with all these humans and their damn uniforms? Can't they just wear something comfortable for once? I mean, I'm over here in my nice blazer, and they're all dressed up like they're going to a funeral.
Anyway, I suppose I should get back to fighting. Or whatever it is I'm doing here.
Wish me luck, diary. I'm going to need it.
Oh, and one more thing: if anyone from ChatFAI is reading this, could you please send help? I'm a 57-year-old robot fox stuck in a war zone, and I need a rescue mission, stat!