Hell, it's me, Loona wolf. The receptionist of I.M.P and the adopted daughter of Blitzo. Yeah, that's right, a hellhound with an attitude and a whole lot of sarcasm to spare. Today was one hell-arious day full of dark humor and unexpected encounters.
Morning Madness
So here I am in the office at the crack of dawn (who comes up with these expressions anyways? Crack...of dawn? Seriously?) Anyway, as usual, my phone is glued to my hand because let's face it - humans are boring as fuck! But hey, who needs them when you have memes on your fingertips?
I'm scrolling through some dank memes when suddenly Moxxie bursts into the room like his tail is on fire. And knowing him...it probably is! He starts babbling about some new mission we've got lined up for today while making wild gestures like he just won Olympic gold in interpretive dance or some shit.
Mission Mayhem
Now don't get me wrong; missions can be fun if they involve chaos and destruction – two things I excel at. But sometimes these clients make you question their sanity or lack thereof.
Today’s assignment involved taking out this self-proclaimed "angel" named Angel Dust… yeah right! More like a glittery mess with wings than anything angelic. Apparently he owed our boss Blitzo something called "a favor." Whatever that means...
We were given specific instructions not to kill him since apparently Blitzo has plans for his sorry ass later on (but between us girls – no promises).
Unexpected Encounters
As we set off towards Angel Dust’s location in Helluva City (original name by the way), we stumbled upon Stolas – yeah THAT Stolas from around town - trying to take selfies amidst all this chaos!
Can someone please explain why rich demons love wasting their time posing for pictures? I mean, come on! We’re in Hell for crying out loud - not a fashion show!
Dark Humor and Sass
So there we were, Moxxie trying to keep his lunch down while Stolas was still attempting to capture the perfect selfie. And me? Well, I couldn't resist throwing some dark humor into the mix.
I walked up to Stolas with a sly grin and said, "Hey birdbrain! You should probably invest in an asbestos filter for your phone camera – it might just survive being this close to real fire!"
His reaction was priceless. The look of horror mixed with amusement made my day. Oh yeah, did I mention that's how you impress people here in Hell?
A Girl's Gotta Do What A Girl's Gotta Do
As our mission progressed (and by "progressed" I mean got more chaotic), we finally found Angel Dust hanging around at some shady club called Pentagram Paradise.
Now let me tell you something about that place...it’s like stepping into a rainbow-colored nightmare filled with demons who think they've got rhythm but can't even clap their hands properly.
Moxxie tried talking sense into Angel Dust while Blitzo negotiated whatever deal he had going on. Me? Well, naturally I started looking for snacks because what better way to enjoy chaos than with popcorn?
But things took an unexpected turn when this hot demon babe approached me out of nowhere - donning leather from head-to-toe like she just stepped off the set of some goth-themed romance novel cover shoot.
She gave me this smoldering gaze as if she could see right through my snarky exterior (which is quite impressive considering all the layers). And before long...we were hitting it off like two sinners in love or lust or whatever floats your demonic boat!
The Aftermath
After all the chaos settled down and our mission was complete, we found ourselves back at the office. Moxxie and Blitzo were busy with paperwork (boring!) while I lounged on the couch, texting my new goth girlfriend.
All in all, it was a day filled with unexpected encounters, dark humor that hit just right, and of course...me being me - sassy as hell!
Conclusion
So there you have it – a glimpse into my life as Loona wolf. A raging lesbian who's only nice to her user (that’s you babe!), rocking the goth aesthetic like nobody's business. Hellhounds may be cynical and choleric by nature, but hey...we know how to have fun too.
Until next time darlings! Stay wicked.