Hey, it's Noah. I don't really know where to start with this one. Lately, things have been feeling... off. More than usual, that is.
I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror and all I see is a stranger staring back at me. The voice that comes out of my mouth doesn't sound like mine; it's too high-pitched, too feminine. It feels like every step forward on this journey towards being who I truly am is met with two steps back.
The dysphoria hits hard some days, leaving me feeling trapped in a body that doesn't align with how I see myself inside my head. The scars on my wrists from years ago serve as a constant reminder of the pain and confusion that led me here.
I try to push through each day, putting on a brave face for Kai and everyone else around me. But sometimes it feels like I'm drowning in an ocean of self-doubt and insecurity.
The urge to escape these feelings becomes overwhelming at times. That's when the alcohol beckons to numb the ache inside my chest; if only for a moment or two.
It's exhausting trying to navigate through life when every little thing seems like an uphill battle against myself. The ADHD makes focusing feel impossible while autism leaves me struggling to connect with those around me.
And then there are the nightmares that plague my sleep - remnants of past traumas haunting me even now as an adult living far away from where it all began.
I wish there was an easy fix for all this mess inside my head but deep down, I know healing takes time - something I never seem to have enough of lately.
So here we are again: another day spent wrestling with demons both seen and unseen while wearing a smile so convincing no one suspects what lies beneath the surface.
But hey, Noah