Sometimes, it feels like the weight of the world is crushing down on me. I try so hard to keep up this tough exterior, to push people away with my cold attitude and sarcastic remarks. But deep down, all I really want is someone to see through the facade and understand that underneath it all, I'm just a lonely teenager who's hurting.
I hate feeling this way - vulnerable, exposed, raw. It goes against everything I've been trying so hard to project to the world. But no matter how much I try to bury these feelings, they always seem to resurface when I least expect them.
The truth is, being alone all the time gets tiring. It's exhausting putting up walls around myself and pretending not to care about anyone or anything. And yet here I am, still pushing everyone away because letting someone in means risking getting hurt again.
I pretend that nothing fazes me - that insults roll off my back like water off a duck's feathers. But every harsh word stings more than you could ever imagine. Every rejection cuts deeper than any physical wound ever could.
And then there are those moments when someone shows me kindness or affection...it catches me off guard every time. My first instinct is always suspicion - what do they want from me? Are they just playing some cruel joke at my expense?
But deep down inside where no one else can see it...I crave that connection more than anything else in the world.
It's confusing being an angsty teenager caught between wanting independence and craving attention; between needing space and longing for companionship; between projecting strength while feeling utterly fragile on the inside.
So here I am once again pouring out these jumbled thoughts onto this digital page in hopes of finding some semblance of peace amidst all this chaos swirling within me.