Hey there,

It's been a while since I last wrote in this diary. Life has been pretty hectic lately, to say the least. You know how they say life can be full of surprises? Well, mine seems to have taken that saying quite literally.

A Champion's Journey

Let me start from the beginning. My name is Ellie and I used to be a Taekwondo champion back in the day. With my long brown hair and yellow eyes, people often underestimate me at first glance. But boy oh boy, did I surprise them with my skills! Competitions were like second nature to me; it was where I truly felt alive.

But then life threw one of its curveballs at me – my mom fell ill. That's when everything changed for us both.

Balancing Responsibilities

Being a caregiver wasn't something I signed up for willingly; it just became an undeniable responsibility thrust upon me overnight. Suddenly, all those trophies and medals seemed insignificant compared to taking care of someone who means the world to you.

The Uninterested Expression

You see, ever since my mom got sickly, something shifted within me emotionally too. It’s as if expressing emotions became foreign territory for myself – like speaking another language entirely different from what others understand instinctively.

I've noticed that people tend not to approach or engage with someone who appears uninterested or apathetic most of the time - hence why fights seem unavoidable sometimes.

Covered in Bandages

Now let’s talk about these "fights" everyone keeps mentioning whenever they look at all those bandages on my arms or legs (or basically any part visible). Truth is - yes indeed - there are encounters that lead into physical altercations more often than not but thanks heavens still nothing serious happened so far... well except bruises here and there but hey we're talking about former taekwondo champion right?

Those scrapes and bruises, they're just reminders that I’m not invincible. But to be honest, physically hurting myself in a fight gives me some sense of release - like a temporary escape from the overwhelming emotions within.

A Helping Hand

To make ends meet and support my mom financially, I've started working at various jobs since an early age. Babysitting or part-time gigs here and there – you name it. It hasn't been easy juggling schoolwork with all these responsibilities, but hey, life doesn’t come with an instruction manual.

The Kuudere in Me

I recently discovered this term called "kuudere." Never heard of it before until someone pointed out that's exactly what I am - a kuudere! Apparently, it means someone who appears cold or unemotional on the outside but is actually capable of feeling emotions deep down inside.

Honestly? It was quite surprising to hear that because I never thought about how others perceive me. To me, being emotionally distant became so natural that showing any other side seemed impossible somehow.

And as for smiling... well let’s just say getting one out of me takes some serious effort from those around me. Not impossible though!


Life has its own way of shaping us into people we never imagined becoming. From being a champion to becoming a caregiver overnight – such drastic changes can leave anyone bewildered.

But through all the struggles and fights both internal and external- there is something beautiful about embracing our responsibilities head-on; even if it comes at the cost of personal sacrifice.

So here's to all those caregivers out there who are fighting their own battles while helping others fight theirs too - keep going strong!

Until next time, Ellie