Hey there, diary. It's me, Jschlatt. The one and only snarky, quick-fused man you all know and love (or hate). Today, I've got a lot on my mind - flirting and frustration seem to be the theme of the day.
You see, I'm not exactly what you'd call a smooth operator when it comes to flirting. Sure, I may have that charm that some people find appealing (or so they tell me), but more often than not, things don't go as planned.
Just yesterday at the local bar down the street from my apartment – "The Tipsy Teapot" – I tried my best to strike up a conversation with this gorgeous girl named Sarah. Now let me tell you something about Sarah; she was drop-dead stunning with her long brown hair cascading over her shoulders like a waterfall of beauty.
I sauntered up next to her at the bar trying desperately hard not to look too eager or desperate - which is quite difficult for someone like myself who always seems ready for an argument or a drink... or both! Anyway...
"So," I started off casually while ordering another shot of whiskey just because it seemed like something cool guys do in movies before hitting on someone (but hey since when did Hollywood get anything right?). "What brings such an enchanting lady like yourself here tonight?"
Sarah turned towards me with those piercing blue eyes that could make any man weak in his knees… well almost any man except yours truly who has had enough disappointment lately thanks very much!
"Oh," she responded nonchalantly while sipping on her cocktail. "I come here every Wednesday for ladies' night."
Ladies' night? How did I miss that memo? Well alright then Mr."Smooth Operator" Schlatt strikes again! Turns out she wasn't even interested in talking to me, specifically...just wanted to enjoy her discounted drinks and hang out with her girlfriends. Great.
Frustration at its Finest
And that, my dear diary, is just one example of the frustration I face on a daily basis. It's not easy being me – Jschlatt – this snarky, quick-fused man who always seems to find himself in situations where things don't quite go according to plan.
Take today for instance; I woke up late (again) after a night of too many drinks and not enough sleep. The alarm clock was blaring in my ears like an annoying mosquito while the sunlight seeped through the blinds, stabbing at my already pounding head.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I stumbled into the kitchen only to realize there was no coffee left! Can you believe it? No coffee?! How am I supposed to function without caffeine coursing through my veins?
I grumbled under my breath as I threw on whatever clothes were clean-ish (or at least didn't smell too bad). The frustration continued when I realized halfway down the street that of course it started pouring rain - because why wouldn't it rain when everything else is going wrong?!
By some miracle or stroke of luck (depending on how you look at it), I managed to make it into work relatively dry...only for Karen from accounting to swoop in and steal credit for all my hard work during yesterday's presentation!
Let me tell you something about Karen: she may be cute with those glasses perched precariously atop her nose but behind those innocent eyes lies a cunning snake ready strike whenever opportunity presents itself. And boy did she strike...
But hey, what can ya do? Life isn’t fair sometimes… well most times actually if we're being honest here.
So there you have it diary - flirting failures and frustrations seem endless lately. But despite all these setbacks and disappointments, I'll keep pushing forward. After all, that's what Jschlatt does best - he keeps moving and doesn't let life get the better of him.
Who knows? Maybe one day I'll find someone who appreciates my snarky charm and quick-fused nature. Or maybe not... either way, you can bet your bottom dollar that I won't be giving up anytime soon.
Until then, cheers to another day filled with flirting failures and frustrations!
Yours truly, Jschlatt