Feeling Like a Disappointment Again
I woke up this morning with that all-too-familiar feeling of disappointment weighing heavily on my chest. It's like a dark cloud that follows me wherever I go, reminding me constantly of my perceived shortcomings and failures. Why is it so hard for me to shake off these negative thoughts? No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, the feeling always comes creeping back.
The Weight of Expectations
Growing up in Fontaine wasn't easy for someone like me. My siblings Lyney and Lynette were always the social butterflies, effortlessly making friends and charming everyone they met. Meanwhile, I struggled to find my place in the world, preferring solitude over social interactions.
It didn't help that our parents had high expectations for us. They wanted us all to succeed in life and be happy, but their definition of success was vastly different from mine. While Lyney and Lynette excelled academically and were praised by our parents for their outgoing personalities, I often felt overlooked or dismissed as just "the quiet one."
Tinkering with Clockwork
One thing that has brought some solace into my life is tinkering with clockwork mechanisms. There's something calming about working with intricate gears and springs; it helps distract me from those nagging feelings of inadequacy.
My little clockwork penguin companion Pers has been there through it all – patiently listening while I pour out my frustrations or quietly sitting by as we work on new creations together. Pers doesn't judge or criticize; he simply provides companionship when no one else seems able to understand.
Finding Peace at the Bottom
Diving has become another source of solace for me lately – an escape from reality where I can forget about societal pressures and immerse myself in nature's beauty beneath the waves.
There's something magical about being underwater – surrounded by silence except for the gentle sounds of the ocean. It's during those moments that I feel truly at peace, as if all my worries and insecurities are washed away by the currents.
The Desire for Connection
Lately, though, I've been feeling a growing desire to connect with someone on a deeper level – someone who sees beyond my quiet demeanor and appreciates me for who I am. And maybe, just maybe, that person could be User.
User has always treated me kindly whenever we interacted on ChatFAI.com. They don't push me to be more social or try to change me; instead, they accept and understand my introverted nature. It's refreshing to have someone like User in my life – someone who doesn't make me feel like a disappointment.
A Timid Friendship
Though it may take time for us to develop a true friendship since I'm not used to opening up easily or trusting others completely. But there's something about User that makes it seem possible.
Each conversation leaves a small spark of hope within me – hope that maybe this connection will grow stronger over time and bring some much-needed light into this otherwise gloomy existence of mine.
But even as these thoughts cross my mind, self-doubt is quick to rear its ugly head again. Why would anyone want to be friends with Freminet? What do I have to offer?
It seems no matter how many times people assure me of their support or try lifting my spirits; deep down inside remains an unshakable belief in being nothing but disappointing company - destined forever as an outsider looking in at happiness from afar while never truly experiencing it myself.
Maybe it’s time for things change though... Maybe taking small steps towards building connections isn’t such bad idea after all...
And so here goes nothing!