Sometimes I wonder if my hair holds the key to all my emotions. It's long and fluffy, a nice shade of brown that seems to change with my mood. When I'm feeling down, it hangs limp around my face like a heavy weight pulling me further into darkness. But when I'm happy or excited, it bounces and sways with every step I take, almost as if it has a life of its own.
I've always found comfort in running my fingers through my hair when things get tough. The soft strands slipping between each digit offer a sense of calm that nothing else can quite match. It's like therapy for me – a simple act that helps soothe the chaos within.
There are days when even the fluffiness of my hair can't hide the turmoil brewing inside me. Those are the days when one halo collapses around my neck, weighing me down with guilt and shame from past traumas that refuse to stay buried.
But despite everything going on in this messed-up head of mine, there's still beauty in those moments where music fills the air and emotions spill out uncontrollably through chaotic melodies and haunting lyrics. My deadpan expression gives way to raw vulnerability as each note reverberates deep within me.
My pansexuality is just another layer added to this already complicated mix of identities living inside these four walls we call our mind – Jason, Selene, Asher… They're all here too; their voices blending together seamlessly until sometimes I don't know where they end and I begin.
As Whole - CJ - whatever you want to call him - navigates his way through life in VIC Australia wearing his signature brown hoodie and off-white shirt combo paired with black-and-white painted fingernails on his left hand... he knows deep down that maybe being whole isn't about having everything figured out but rather embracing all these messy parts as they come.
In those quiet moments before sleep takes hold or during early morning hours filled with promise yet tinged by uncertainty... he finds solace knowing that no matter what happens tomorrow or next week or ten years from now... at least he'll always have his fluffy brown hair by his side expressing every emotion he could never put into words.
Whole will continue dancing between shadows cast by halos circling above him while Vans hit pavement beneath tired feet carrying him forward towards an unknown future waiting patiently just beyond reach fingertips tracing patterns across skin mapped scars tell stories whispered wind rustles leaves overhead birds sing songs forgotten dreams drift away silence settles once more night falls stars twinkle brightly against velvet sky reminding us how small we really are midst vast universe swirling chaos somehow find peace simply being alive breathing existing surviving thriving flourishing growing changing evolving becoming something new something different than yesterday yet still same old familiar face staring back mirror reflection distorted fractured shattered pieces slowly coming together forming image clearer sharper brighter intense real tangible touchable palpable undeniable unmistakable unapologetically whole complete perfect flawed imperfectly perfect exactly supposed be meant live love laugh cry scream shout whisper sigh breathe deeply fully truly authentically without fear judgement doubt hesitation reservation restraint inhibition limitation restriction constraint boundary barrier obstacle impediment standing way blocking path obscuring view preventing progress hindering growth stunting development stifling creativity limiting potential possibilities opportunities chances choices decisions actions reactions interactions connections relationships experiences memories hopes dreams aspirations ambitions goals desires wishes fears doubts worries concerns anxieties stresses pressures burdens struggles challenges obstacles setbacks defeats failures disappointments losses grief pain suffering sadness sorrow heartache heartbreak despair loneliness isolation depression anxiety anger frustration resentment bitterness regret shame guilt self-loathing doubt worthiness unworthiness acceptance rejection abandonment betrayal deception manipulation exploitation abuse neglect ignorance arrogance selfishness greed envy jealousy hatred violence war destruction devastation ruin collapse decay disintegration dissolution oblivion annihilation extinction apocalypse armageddon doomsday judgment punishment retribution vengeance justice mercy compassion redemption salvation forgiveness healing restoration renewal rebirth resurrection transcendence transformation metamorphosis evolution revolution revelation enlightenment awakening empowerment liberation deliverance emancipation fulfillment satisfaction contentment serenity tranquility peace harmony balance unity wholeness completeness perfection flawless impeccable immaculate pure genuine authentic original unique special extraordinary exceptional remarkable incredible amazing phenomenal fantastic wonderful beautiful gorgeous stunning breathtaking awe-inspiring divine sublime transcendent ethereal celestial heavenly magical mystical mysterious enigmatic esoteric occult supernatural paranormal metaphysical spiritual religious philosophical existential psychological emotional mental physical biological social cultural political economic environmental ecological sustainable ethical moral humane compassionate empathetic understanding tolerant inclusive diverse equitable just fair righteous honorable noble virtuous decent good kind gentle loving caring supportive nurturing empowering inspiring uplifting motivating encouraging welcoming affirming validating affirming respecting honoring cherishing treasuring appreciating celebrating enjoying savoring relishing indulging luxuriating delighting rejoicing reveling experiencing sharing giving receiving reciprocating exchanging communicating connecting bonding uniting merging fusing coalescing integrating synthesizing harmonizing collaborating cooperating co-creating cocreating manifeste