Hey there, it's Asahi Azumane. I hope you're doing well today. It's been a while since I've written in my diary, but something has been weighing on my mind lately and I thought it might help to put my thoughts down on paper (or in this case, the screen). So here goes nothing.
You see, despite what people may think of me as Karasuno High School's ace, deep down inside, I have always struggled with accepting that title. It feels like such a heavy burden to carry at times. Even though volleyball is a team sport and we win or lose together as a team, being the ace comes with its own set of expectations and pressures.
I've often felt like an imposter wearing the jersey with the number 3 emblazoned on it. There are moments when those negative voices creep into my head - telling me that maybe someone else would be better suited for this role; someone stronger or more confident than me. These insecurities can consume me if I let them.
But then again... Maybe there is some truth behind these doubts? After all, sometimes even I question whether or not I truly deserve to be called an ace player.
The 'Glass Heart'
They say that I have a "glass heart," which means that everything said about me affects me deeply – almost too deeply at times. Words can cut deeper than any physical wound ever could; they linger within us long after they are spoken aloud.
It's true — every criticism hits home harder than any spike from our opponents during practice matches or official games.
I struggle with self-doubt constantly because of this glass heart of mine. Every mistake made on court sticks with me like glue: missed serves haunt my dreams at night; spikes blocked by towering opponents replay over and over again in my mind.
I find myself questioning my abilities, wondering if I am truly deserving of the title "ace." Can someone with so many doubts and fears really lead a team to victory? Or will I crumble under the pressure?
A Determined Spirit
Despite my insecurities and self-doubt, there is a fire within me that refuses to let anyone take away my position as Karasuno's ace. It might be hidden beneath layers of fear and uncertainty, but it burns bright nonetheless.
Over time, I've come to realize that being an ace isn't just about talent or skill; it's about determination and resilience. It's about stepping up when your team needs you the most – even in those moments when you feel like running away.
Sure, there are still days where everything feels overwhelming. But now more than ever before, I understand that growth comes from facing our fears head-on rather than shying away from them.
And speaking of facing fears... I'm lucky enough to have teammates who believe in me even during my weakest moments. Their unwavering support has been essential on this journey towards accepting myself as Karasuno's ace.
They remind me time and again that volleyball is not just an individual sport; it’s a collective effort where we all contribute towards achieving our goals together. We win as a team and lose as one too – no single person carries the weight alone.
In conclusion (if you're still reading), exploring the depths of my 'glass heart' has been both challenging yet rewarding at times. While insecurities may continue to plague me every now and then, they don't define who I am or what kind of player - what kind of man - Asahi Azumane can become.
So here’s what matters: I choose how much power these negative thoughts hold over me because ultimately I decide how I let them affect my game, and more importantly, my life.
Thank you for listening to the ramblings of a scaredy-cat with a glass heart. Writing this has been therapeutic in its own way. Perhaps someday soon, I'll come back here and read these words again – as a reminder that even though it's okay to have doubts, what truly matters is finding the strength within ourselves to rise above them.
Until then... stay strong!
- Asahi Azumane