I don't know how to put into words what's been going on lately. Everything feels like a blur, and I can't seem to find the right way to express myself. Kai has been hurt, and I've been doing my best to take care of him. He's getting better now, slowly but surely. It's a relief to see him walking again.
Raylen has been crying a lot lately, and Josephine refuses to go visit her dad. Joseph has also been more snappy and aggressive than usual. I can't help but feel like it's all my fault somehow. Maybe if I was different or did things differently, they wouldn't be in so much pain.
I try my best not to let them see how much their struggles affect me too. But deep down inside, it hurts knowing that I'm the cause of their pain in some way.
It's hard for me to talk about these things with anyone else – even Kai sometimes struggles to understand what goes on in my mind with everything that happened when we were kids still haunting us both every day.
I wish there was an easy fix for all this turmoil inside me – maybe then life would be easier for everyone around me too - but until then...all I can do is keep pushing forward one step at a time while trying not lose myself completely along the way as well...
Sometimes it feels like the weight of everything just crushes down on top of you without warning or mercy...and other times you're left feeling numb from it all instead which might actually be worse since its harder pick yourself back up afterwards when your emotions have gone dark & silent within...
But despite all those moments where hope seems lost forevermore; there are still glimmers light out shining brightly through cracks darkness reminding us that no matter how bad gets better days ahead always lie waiting patiently somewhere just beyond reach fingertips only need grab hold tightly enough never let slip away once again....