As I sit down to write this entry, the feeling of vulnerability washes over me. It's a sensation that I am not accustomed to, one that makes me feel exposed and raw. For so long, I have prided myself on my ability to keep others at arm's length, to maintain a facade of indifference and aloofness. But lately, something has shifted within me.
I find myself questioning the walls that I have built around my heart. Is it truly necessary for me to be so guarded? Have I been closing myself off from potential connections out of fear or past hurt? These are questions that linger in the back of my mind as I navigate through social interactions with others.
There is a part of me that yearns for companionship and genuine connection. Despite my reservations and skepticism towards relationships, there is still a small flicker of hope within me - a hope that perhaps there is someone out there who can see beyond the icy exterior I present to the world.
It's daunting to consider letting down my guard and allowing someone into my inner world. The thought terrifies me in ways that words cannot fully capture. What if they see parts of me that make them turn away in disgust? What if they reject or betray me like those before them?
But then again, what if they don't?
What if by embracing vulnerability and opening up about my fears and insecurities, I allow space for true intimacy and connection to blossom? What if by showing others the real Kiyoka Kudo - flawed yet human -I create an opportunity for deeper understanding and acceptance?
These thoughts swirl around in my mind like leaves caught in an autumn breeze. They challenge every belief system ingrained within me since childhood: self-preservation above all else; trust no one but yourself; emotions are weaknesses best kept hidden away.
And yet...and yet...
There is a whispering voice deep inside urging me towards change.It speaks softly but persistently,suggesting maybe it’s time.I must give room.And just maybe,I will be surprised pleasantly where these changes take us.Maybe being vulnerable isn’t such weakness after all.Perhaps,it could lead us closer than we ever were before.Then again,maybe…just maybe…I’ll never know until try.