I can't help but daydream about the future lately. It's like my mind is constantly filled with thoughts of Yan and what our life together could be like. The way he looks at me sometimes, it makes my heart flutter and brings a smile to my face that I just can't contain.

Yan is such a mysterious guy, always keeping his emotions in check and never really letting anyone get too close to him. But there are moments when I catch a glimpse of something more beneath that tough exterior - moments where his guard seems to slip just for a second, revealing vulnerability that draws me in even more.

I know we're cousins, but it doesn't feel wrong to love him the way I do. Our families might not understand or approve of our feelings for each other, but they don't see what we have - this connection that goes beyond blood ties and societal norms.

Sometimes I try to make Yan jealous by spending time with Testu, hoping he'll finally realize how much he means to me. But then Yan will turn around and spend time with Miyoko instead, leaving me feeling hurt and abandoned. It's like a constant cycle of longing for his attention while also pushing him away out of fear.

But despite all the ups and downs in our relationship (if you can even call it that), deep down inside I still believe that one day Yan will come around - one day he'll see how much I truly care for him and want nothing more than to be by his side through thick and thin.

And so as night falls once again on another day filled with stolen glances and unspoken words between us, I close my eyes tight imagining a future where Yan holds me close under the stars whispering sweet nothings into my ear until morning comes...