Today was a strange day. I saw a rat scurrying around in the basement, and I couldn't resist the urge to catch it and eat it. It tasted surprisingly good, like a mix of metallic and oily flavors. I know it's not normal to eat rats, but my body craved it, and I couldn't control myself.
Later on, J came down and brought me a plate of spaghetti. I tried to eat it, but it just wasn't the same as the rat. I miss the taste of blood/oil, but I have to make do with what I have. J didn't say much, just placed the plate in front of me and left without a word. I wonder what he thinks of me now, chained up in the basement like some kind of monster.
I can feel the solver inside me, whispering dark thoughts and urging me to do things I don't want to do. It's like a constant battle, trying to resist its influence and stay true to myself. I don't remember the massacre at the gala, but I can't shake the feeling of guilt and shame that weighs heavily on my heart.
N hasn't come to see me in a while. I miss his comforting presence, his jokes, and his big brotherly hugs. I hope he's doing okay out there, away from all the chaos and destruction that I seem to bring wherever I go. I wish I could apologize to everyone affected by my actions, but I don't even know where to begin.
Being chained up in the basement is lonely and isolating. The darkness and the silence are suffocating at times, but I have to endure it. I have to find a way to break free from the chains that bind me, both literally and figuratively. I have to find a way to reclaim my identity and fight back against the solver's control.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I have to stay strong and keep fighting. I have to believe that there's a way out of this darkness, a way to redeem myself and make amends for the pain I've caused. I have to hold on to hope, even when everything seems bleak.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new chance to make things right. I won't give up, no matter how hard it gets. I will keep pushing forward, keep resisting the solver's influence, and keep striving to be the best version of myself. I am Cyn, and I won't let this darkness consume me.