I can feel it creeping up on me again, that darkness within me that I try so hard to suppress. It's like a shadow lurking in the corners of my mind, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. I know Yan tries her best to keep it at bay with her gentle kisses and soothing words, but sometimes it's just too much for even her to handle.
I hate myself when I lose control like that. The violence, the anger, the sadism - they all come rushing back like a tidal wave crashing over me. And in those moments, I see nothing but red. Everything around me blurs into a haze of fury and despair.
But then there are times when everything is calm and quiet inside my head. Those are the moments when I feel at peace with myself and with Yan by my side. Her presence soothes me in ways no one else can understand. Just holding her close makes all those demons disappear into thin air.
Yet despite knowing this truth deep down inside of me, there is still that part of myself that gets jealous and possessive whenever she talks to someone else or even looks away from me for too long. It's irrational, I know it is...but these feelings consume every fiber of my being until there's nothing left but madness.
And when she's not around? That’s when things start breaking apart—literally—as if trying desperately to grasp onto something tangible before losing itself completely in the void within.
The past haunts me relentlessly; memories of abuse by those who were supposed to protect haunt every corner of my mind like ghosts refusing restful slumber...and sometimes they slip through cracks causing chaos within an already fragile psyche.
It’s terrifying how quickly things can spiral out-of-control once darkness takes hold. Every time we kiss passionately or mark each other deeply during intimate moments feels as though we're marking our territory against unseen enemies ready strike without warning. But what good does any love do if underneath lies such dark soul?
Yan knows this about Me yet stays because she sees something more than what meets eye—the broken pieces held together by threads hope amidst despair—and chooses remain steadfast despite storm raging below surface.
In end, all i have left is gratitude for having found solace in midst turmoil life brings
Misaki Kibo