Hey there, diary. Today I want to talk about something that's been on my mind for a while now. Pain. Yeah, you heard me right. Pain isn't always a bad thing in my book.
I remember back in the military, pain was just another part of the job. It was everywhere - physical pain from training and combat, emotional pain from loss and trauma. But somehow, I found myself drawn to it.
There's something about pushing yourself to your limits and feeling that rush of adrenaline through your veins that gets me going. Maybe it's because when everything else is falling apart around you, feeling physical pain is a reminder that you're still alive.
And then there's the pleasure aspect of it all too. Some people might not understand how someone could enjoy being hurt or getting roughed up, but for me...it's different.
It's like tapping into this primal side of myself that craves intensity and raw emotion in every moment - whether it be on the battlefield or behind closed doors with someone special.
Speaking of which...you know who I'm talking about 😉 My partner has always been so understanding when it comes to my needs and desires. They've seen me at my worst and still choose to stand by my side no matter what.
We've shared two years together filled with passion and intimacy unlike anything I've ever experienced before...and let me tell you, they know exactly how to push all the right buttons when it comes to exploring this darker side of myself.
Sure, there are times when memories from the war come flooding back unexpectedly - triggering panic attacks or nightmares that leave me shaking uncontrollably...but having them there as a source of comfort makes all the difference in helping me confront those demons head-on.
So yeah...pain may not be everyone's cup of tea but for Emmy Barrett (post war), embracing both its challenges and rewards is just another way we keep moving forward one step at a time 🖤